Mental health check-in

So, you know the day is a hard day when the self talk that keeps coming to mind is, “Fucking Hell!” Related to my criminal justice system remark in the political thread.
 
Well, at least that case is over with, at least as far as my primary involvement in it other than helping get an appeal filed. Quite an exhausting day before a judge that seem to ignore my primary point and failed to address it in any meaningful way. It just seems pretty pathetic that one of the main reasons you send a guy to prison is because there’s supposedly isn’t suitable treatment for a persons issues out in the community where he can hold on to the other things that provide him stability, so that you send him off to prison so that he is guaranteed to lose that stability in hopes that maybe get some better treatment in prison. It just seems so backward and frankly barbarian.u
 
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Ok, hoping you all are doing ok. I am playing a little, but not consistently. Engaged in music, but not making enough headway due to not picking the instrument up enough. Making changes in my work and personal life, but also inconsistently. So as I write this, I am seeing that I need to just be grateful I am still trying to evolve, and allow myself more time, AND re-commit to getting there, wherever I think there is, over time.

Also, in the meantime, the recent heatwaves we have been having in the PNW, and general west, are freaking me the fuck out. If my own life was at times messed up, or I was a hot mess in some way, I could always turn to nature, the seasons, the rhythms of the natural world. But now, those are increasingly fucked up as climate change accelerates. And my home of origin, which I had hoped could be a refuge in my later years as things progress in climate change, is obviously not immune after this last episode, and in some ways could be worse off due to the much larger population. So yeah, freaks me out.

Again, trying to make changes that I can make, as fast as I can make them, and I can only do what I can do. And I am not very organized in my movements toward change as I have been saying here.

So, this reminds me about the asking for help part. As I have been in and out of town, and had a variety of family and work and other things on my plate, it is unrealistic to think that I can make steady progress without help. I have contacted a part time person who can help me, but have not got her set up yet. I need to do that this week, so I can get some help with moving things along. That additionally may provide some relief mentally, and also some better progress, as clearly my own efforts right now are not enough.

Ok, not sure if any of that ramble makes sense to any of you, but it helps me to “journal” it out here now and again.

Again, I hope you folks are doing ok and hanging in there.
 
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Doing ok. Finally getting on the back side of this massive project I've been working on. It's also nice that we've been more profitable this year than any of the 5 years we've been open. Makes for good job security. I got to feeling like I was spending more than we were making just to keep the doors from falling off (literally and figuratively) but we are still seeing good profitability so I can breathe easier now.
Finally getting a vacation starting tomorrow. I hope the shit doesn't hit the fan while I'm gone.
 
I gave up caffeine (again) because even the trace amounts in decaf tea and coffee were making me hypomanic. And I also stopped taking Ritalin. Hopefully I’ll chill out and stop flipping through social media all day.
 
Root canal out of the way. If I'm not too sore in the morning, I'm throwing the tent on the bike and heading for the Rocket Center in Huntsville. A few days on the bike and a couple of nights in the tent should do wonders.
 
sunvalleylaw said:
So, this reminds me about the asking for help part. As I have been in and out of town, and had a variety of family and work and other things on my plate, it is unrealistic to think that I can make steady progress without help. I have contacted a part time person who can help me, but have not got her set up yet. I need to do that this week, so I can get some help with moving things along. That additionally may provide some relief mentally, and also some better progress, as clearly my own efforts right now are not enough.
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In follow up, just met with the person who will do part time organizational, secretarial and computer work for me and we got launched at least. I need to pick just the first project or two and get her going. Feels good to get that going again. I thought I had that all set up back just before March, 2020, with a different person, but that fell apart after Hailey (town where I live) got closed down such that we were told to stay home, and the person did not work out with working remotely. Then it has been all me since. As said, I was needing help a while ago. Glad I finally am getting something going with someone who seems a good fit.
 
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This is a fairly accurate representation of my life this summer.

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started on new meds a week ago and (not unexpectedly) they're kind of kicking my ass at the moment. Just kinda hunkering down for the next few weeks until things should even out a bit
 
My CPAP machine was flashing at me the other night when I was going to bed.... I have only been averaging FOUR hours of sleep a night over the past month. :embarrassed:

I mean I know they say you're supposed to get 8... I usually average 6.5.... but shit.... 4? I rarely get less than 2 hours... but how many fucking 2 hour nights do I have to do in a month to take my 6.5 hours and turn them into 4 hour averages? :facepalm:
 
GomezAddams said:
Root canal out of the way. If I'm not too sore in the morning, I'm throwing the tent on the bike and heading for the Rocket Center in Huntsville. A few days on the bike and a couple of nights in the tent should do wonders.
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A couple of pics, if anyone should like to see

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Stopped for lunch in Muhlenberg County, KY.

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Home sweet home on Cheatham Lake / Cumberland River.

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The holy grail of my quest. I still get choked up when I see a Saturn V rocket.
 
Ok, I am in this weird space where it feels like some things could get get better, after going through the loss of my Mom, but stuff is just taking a long time to get started again. After Trump, after (well, not after) Covid, etc.

Allow me to whine a minute.

So we get through the funeral, get all the business going, all that is going well.

Finally get back to work, kinda, and even hire someone part time to help me.

But then, have to go get surgery on my foot for a weird spot. Not for sure melanoma, but weird enough they want it gone, and so then they cut a silver dollar out of my foot, and some skin from near my collar bone to graft to it. And tell me I can't go to my bike race in about a month. Ok, I suck that up, also try to sell (not successfully) tix to an outdoor concert I was supposed to go to tomorrow, etc.

Then we have a lightning strike and fire next to the house, so I am moving around on a foot I am supposed to just keep up, and be a couch potato with, because we might get evacuated. I get back down after not too much movement though.

Fire gets out, and the smokes of armageddon come in to mix with any of our own left over smoke from last night's fire, and I feel like shit, as a result, on top of no proper shower for a couple days, no shave, etc.

Bleh. Hoping I can get to the outdoor concert at the Gorge with Brandi Carlile I have tix for, and think my foot will allow it if I am careful and maybe even use the venue courtesy car, but now the variant and infection rates is calling that into question. Sheesh.

Some days, it feels like that asteroid is right around the corner.
 
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I was starting to come around a bit. Got out and played some music with other people. Starting planning a motorcycle adventure.
Then Delta hit, and now everything is back to the same ol isolation grind.
Thanks guys, you keep me sane. Mojo to all suffering from the fires.
 
It feels very privileged and indulgent to feel this way. But I have to think it is a recurrence of depression in light of the recent weather, realization about race and politics and this country, health worries, family loss, etc. Adding to that is the fact that when my wife is stressed or worried, she throws herself into work and I feel like a loser by comparison. But you all know I am unhappy with my job in its current form, and don't really believe strongly in the system my job is a part of. And I need to make a change, but not sure what. So far, just trying to change what cases I take. But not sure that will be enough of a change, so will keep my eyes open.

Just trying to figure this out step by step. Hoping I am not oversharing, but frankly, I am not sure who else to talk to.
 
I have been working on my post-grad research into mental health during the covid pandemic, and ironically enough this set off my own anxiety :facepalm:
 
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