sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Thanks, all.
Mental health check-in
- Thread starter Flamencology
- Start date
cuffdc
chicken n waffles
Condolences.
Flamencology
You don't deserve koa.
Feelin’ a bit better today. Have an appetite, feel a little less sore and exhausted. That last cycle was brutal. Have a couple of weeks to recover. Sunlight helps.
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
I know I am in mourning. I also forgot my meds when I took off to see my Mom, (Wellbutrin XL) which I would love to consider getting off, but not sure it is a good idea after the last week. I am back on it now. Anyway:
I may not be clinically depressed again, but I might be also. Will continue to try to feel my feelings and work through it. The pressure of being self employed and needing to eat what I kill financially isn’t helping in this moment. Beyond that pressure, I am very much thinking I don’t want to continue in a traditional law practice anymore, and am not enjoying it much right now. My depression, or mourning, or whatever, is making it hard for me to be very motivated to do anything in terms of legal work that might pay and be good for me financially. Hopefully I can work through that too.
I may not be clinically depressed again, but I might be also. Will continue to try to feel my feelings and work through it. The pressure of being self employed and needing to eat what I kill financially isn’t helping in this moment. Beyond that pressure, I am very much thinking I don’t want to continue in a traditional law practice anymore, and am not enjoying it much right now. My depression, or mourning, or whatever, is making it hard for me to be very motivated to do anything in terms of legal work that might pay and be good for me financially. Hopefully I can work through that too.
Last edited:
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
So I posted the above last night during a down time, and I feel a bit better today. Got my vaccine scheduled, finances are in order until after the funeral, at least good enough, and the sun is out today. But I am finding this all goes in waves for me. The realization that I now have no parents hit me pretty hard the last few days. And also the fact that the primary one who comforted and nurtured me is gone, even if our relationship was more complicated in more recent years due to Al-Anon type considerations, has been hitting me too. And it likely was not good that I forgot my prescriptions headed out the door last week and only on Friday, a week later, got back on the Wellbutrin XL. I don’t think you are supposed to just stop that stuff. So, over time this will all ease again as we get through the service, etc. Or so I am thinking at this point in the day.
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Hope you all are doing ok as the world starts to open up again, maybe too quickly, maybe not carefully enough, as vaccines are happening.
I am back home after my Mom’s funeral, and easing into a Monday with no big commitments, trying to get back on the horse at work and in my normal life. Going to do some work, do some self care with water, better food, exercise, . . . Basics. And allow some room for emotions that are still coming.
Hope you all are doing ok.
I am back home after my Mom’s funeral, and easing into a Monday with no big commitments, trying to get back on the horse at work and in my normal life. Going to do some work, do some self care with water, better food, exercise, . . . Basics. And allow some room for emotions that are still coming.
Hope you all are doing ok.
surfsteve
Pendejo
Very sorry Steve.
nuke_diver
Riding Solo
Sorry for your loss SVL. I don't generally look in on this thread so I didn't see it until now. Understandably hard to lose your parents and particular your mom. I hope she had a long happy life and didn't suffer much in the end
PunkKitty
Horny bag of electric meat
The fiasco with my friend yesterday drained me. It was a beautiful 80 degree day in Chicago today and I couldn't find the energy to leave the house. Can't remember the last time I picked up a guitar just to futz with it. No desire to play. I still take my Thursday night class though. I guess that's something. Bored out of my mind with no desire to change it. Living with severe depression sucks ass.
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Mojo to you.
335clone
Living the dream
I think this might be relevant to this thread, hopefully it is received well. A lot of us have gone thru many negatives in our lives, and sometimes it helps to let it out. For me, quitting alcohol was a huge thing, and there weren't a lot of things besides music and close family to offer support along the way. When I heard this, it hit pretty hard. Anyway...
Last edited:
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Thanks. I got through that, got through a jury trial a judge made me do despite my trying to withdraw from representation in that particular case (thank goodness we have some saved resources that will carry us through the loss of income, and maybe someday I will even get paid), and now am hopefully moving toward making some positive changes in my career and life in general. Spring is here and my bicycle calls, as do my guitars. Onward.
Mojo to all forum members. Hang in there and keep walking everyone.
newbuilder
snoochie boochies
Mojo! I want to thank you all for being honest and sharing your experiences. I love this group and I love y’all!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Liked for safe. Glad you were able to help.
newbuilder
snoochie boochies
[mention]PunkKitty [/mention] had to do that with my mom not too long ago. Glad your friend is safe.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Pine Apple Slim
Kick Henry Jackassowski
Condolences to Sunvalleylaw on loosing your Mom.
Both of mine are gone too, its a tough thing to process.
I seem to be slowly crawling out of my funk and getting a few things done.
But its a painfully slow process. I'm not as depressed but still in my head too much and the energy level is low.
I feel like my battery is drained after a brief spurt of any effort, be it chores or attempts at creativity.
I really need a change of scenery. Itching to get out on the bike for a week and just go somewhere but it still doesn't seem like a good idea right now. I only got one shot of Maderna due to the allergic reaction and so I'm not confident how much I got out of it. I could avoid people and just camp out, but I don't think I have the energy to pull that off right now. My low energy psyche needs a soft motel bed, a relatively quiet bar, and and somebody else to prepare my meals right now.
Both of mine are gone too, its a tough thing to process.
I seem to be slowly crawling out of my funk and getting a few things done.
But its a painfully slow process. I'm not as depressed but still in my head too much and the energy level is low.
I feel like my battery is drained after a brief spurt of any effort, be it chores or attempts at creativity.
I really need a change of scenery. Itching to get out on the bike for a week and just go somewhere but it still doesn't seem like a good idea right now. I only got one shot of Maderna due to the allergic reaction and so I'm not confident how much I got out of it. I could avoid people and just camp out, but I don't think I have the energy to pull that off right now. My low energy psyche needs a soft motel bed, a relatively quiet bar, and and somebody else to prepare my meals right now.
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Mojo for your struggles too. I totally get what you are saying BTW. And I think it is pretty common. Saw this article and it seems to speak to it. Moving out of depression, but not “right” yet.
There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/...6yKw7Po30BJLgC8DAGHF9tqxm8cP6M05oKoGr-NpXvDNc
For me just understanding some of that helps, and, getting both Pfizers in has been a relief to me. No problems on my end with that. I am really sorry that did not work out for you, and hope that you can find ways to feel safe with your status now after one shot. Maybe you can find a way to safely do a supported trip, such as a bike ride out in the woods with support of campers, or B&B’s or something. We did something like that in the San Juan Islands one time, carrying our clothes and snacks and water, but sleeping in B&B’s and eating prepared food. It was nice, and mostly outside other than sleeping or eating meals. Hoping maybe with one shot, and some reasonable precautions, you can start to feel ok to do some of that.
Getting both in is a mental relief to me anyway, even if I still will be careful (and I will, based on my experience traveling with my daughter through Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado and Utah on a road trip the last few days to look at a college). As to the malaise, I get that too., Mine finally seems to be clearing, a little at a time. And I am using the loss of my Mom, and my watching her slip toward the gate/door/portal whatever to motivate myself to make changes I have considered a long time, in a quest to refine what I give a fuck about, and will put energy into. Has me motivated to play, refine my gear in aid of seeking a sound, or being a libra, really a couple base sounds, for my playing. Has me motivated to drastically refine/change my career (and thankfully, that should be possible for me) if not switch entirely. Might end up doing that too, other than doing some wills and related and simple stuff for family and friends and established clients.
Even motivated to change the yard after kids having grown (my daughter graduates high school this year), and pulling back the lawn and replacing that with low to zeroscaping stuff that requires less water and upkeep and will provide some nice, peaceful spaces around the house. Along with raised gardens to grow some food that grows well here. Might invite our next door neighbors who we are real close to, to join us in kind of a community/neighborhood garden concept.
So yeah, it has been a long haul and I have felt stuck. Now I am motivated to just try stuff, just do stuff, and the ideas will evolve as I go. Watching my Mom go, I was just struck that there is a whole lot of stuff I have done to engage in the economy and support a family and climb that career ladder/play the reputation games, etc. that I don’t give a fuck about anymore. And never really did. Just put up with it because it was what I was supposed to do, at least in my head. I will still need to work, as we still need income for the foreseeable future with kids in college and looming retirement or partial retirement, but feeling free now to really change up how I get there. And when Mom was lying there, there was so much that seemed so important in my family during childhood and young adult years that just does not seem to matter now. Family, friends, people who I care about, repairing and restoring relationships that really matter, letting go of those that don’t, authenticity, creativity, giving back to people and the world, those are the guideposts I think (gonna journal and consider that some more) that are most important now.
Hoping you continue to improve and feel well and come out of it as well
@Pine Apple Slim I edited that a lot. Pinging you to make you see all my blather in my TL/DR post. Have a good Saturday!
Last edited: