Mental health check-in

Began my tenth month of chemo earlier this week.

I’d hesitate to recommend this to anyone who does not have cancer. I know I make it look good, but fuck. I feel like a nonagenarian. And if that’s how nonagenarians actually feel, I’d never want to reach within twenty years of that shit.
 
Flamencology said:
Began my tenth month of chemo earlier this week.

I’d hesitate to recommend this to anyone who does not have cancer. I know I make it look good, but fuck. I feel like a nonagenarian. And if that’s how nonagenarians actually feel, I’d never want to reach within twenty years of that shit.
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In my wildest imagination, I cannot truly understand what you're going through. I just know it sucks at many levels.

Keep the good fight going.
 
@Flamencology , @Peen Simmons , @PunkKitty , @MonkeyZero , and anyone else, mojo to all of you.

Had an ok day in the sense that the doc who did the skin graft on my foot took well enough after 3 weeks that I can start increasing my activity back to tolerance again, and just watch it for too much bleeding or injury (a little bleeding and oozing is ok). So basically, it is a healing wound on my foot now, and the skin graft took as well as it is going to (around half way) and enough to support the wound healing on its own now, so I don't have to worry about the graft completely failing. @Tig , that was why I was on Muffy's hand cycle). Not sure if I have been specific, but I had a bad spot that was not fully ascertained after biopsy taken off. The plastic surgeon at the Huntsman Cancer Center down at the University of Utah did it, and they got good margins. They did end up calling it melanoma, which is scary, but I guess it is a surface kind that they caught in time, and is not likely (and did not) dive down deeper, and with the good margins they got, no further treatment, testing, lymph node stuff, etc. is required. Should be a complete cure.

The down side was I have been a complete couch potato for three weeks, which is not good for my head. You would think I might get a lot of computer work done, etc., but not so much. But at least I can start working back into normal. Gonna try to finish one piece of work this afternoon, then have a beer, and get back at things tomorrow.

On the plus side musically, I did find some people who want to collaborate or play together or for each other online, so I have some people to play with now. Kinda centered around Brandi Carlile Band fan-ness and that band's and adjacent music, but that works for me well enough, and so I can at least get myself motivated to be able to play stuff to take part in that.

I am a short order cook sling hot plates of mojo to all of you down that linoleum counter. Mojoburger, mojoburger, mojoburger! . . . Pepsi! Ketchup is down at the end of the counter.
 
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Peen Simmons said:
I’m on my 12th consecutive day of work. I was up until 1AM fucking with bullshit to call people on their baloney. Been living in a hotel in a bullshit city for a week and I’ll be here through Saturday. Nothing works. New issues every day. Probably gonna have to come back and do it all again in a few weeks unless tech team pulls a rabbit out of its ass this afternoon.

So doing great.

I’m the goddamn Colonel Kurtz of this bullshit job.
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do you want me to send Sonny over to hump your leg ?
 
DdBob said:
Peen knows
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The Peen knows what the Peen knows.

This entire day has felt like being one leg in a room full of 100 Sonnys.

No, the tech team discovered no ass rabbits. In fact, unrelated shit broke and people called off and I spent half a day making deliveries in a monsoon. Shot at and missed, shit at and hit.

Also a bunch of unrelated issues blew up in ways I explicitly warned folks about and everyone is like “wait, wuht?!” I’m finally Gonna eat food for the first time since 7am whenever my fucking food shows up. Oh, I did grab a snack at the Wags and while waiting to check out some old dude introduced himself to talk about THE LORD with me. Not Motorik’s lord. The other guy who is pals with Pat Robertson and people who don’t masturbate. Thank god for masks because I cannot imagine the expression that I was making.
 
Peen Simmons said:
The Peen knows what the Peen knows.

This entire day has felt like being one leg in a room full of 100 Sonnys.

No, the tech team discovered no ass rabbits. In fact, unrelated shit broke and people called off and I spent half a day making deliveries in a monsoon. Shot at and missed, shit at and hit.

Also a bunch of unrelated issues blew up in ways I explicitly warned folks about and everyone is like “wait, wuht?!” I’m finally Gonna eat food for the first time since 7am whenever my fucking food shows up. Oh, I did grab a snack at the Wags and while waiting to check out some old dude introduced himself to talk about THE LORD with me. Not Motorik’s lord. The other guy who is pals with Pat Robertson and people who don’t masturbate. Thank god for masks because I cannot imagine the expression that I was making.
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Sorry for your day. I love the way you write about it though. That is a most annoying thing when they want to just check in with you and make sure you accepted White Cheeto Jeezzis as your Personal Lord and Savyear. (spelling intentional).
 
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It's been a lot of ups and downs the last few months. Daughter got the Vax so that was a huge relief. She's struggling with making friends and some anxiety at school because of being out of the mix for too long, which is heartbreaking. She's such a sweet kid. Kinda too sweet I guess. We're working on it.

1wifes been doing the (local) travel nurse gig. The money is great, the hours are shit. She's gonna quit her part time regular nurse gig and just do the contracts instead, so that'll help.

I've been pretty OK. Starting after Christmas I cleaned up my diet, cut out most alcohol, and have been exercising 4-5 days a week, so that's helping my head space a lot. Work has been steady, not too much or too little. We missed getting a new client a few weeks ago that would've added a lot of workload and a few more evening meetings per month. I'm kinda relieved actually, not really interested in working balls to the wall like I'm 25 again.

We've made it family dinnertime policy that you have to say at least one positive thing that happened today, and then we try to spend some time focused on that. It's kinda silly but it helps.
 
It’s been 18 months and I’m tired. The new person in my life has it in common with me and it helps on the hard days. We help each other. I can’t say I’m depressed but I can’t say I’m happy about anything. Strange thing, I was driving back to my house in the Neck from the VA this week and I had the sensation of driving back home to my late wife feeling like she would be there to greet me. I tried to make it last but if faded. I stopped and got a boxed chicken meal and sat on the bank of the Rappahannock, ate it, and remembered conversations we had about the birds. She knew the kinds and would tell me about. Crying again, uncontrollably.

PS: I’m not alone, mojo and prayers to everyone in here. I’m thankful for everything, every little thing.
 
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Mojo to everyone. Things are relatively ok over here. Skiing helps. Moving away from court based practice helps. When I do have to now engage with court, with left over cases, it is very apparent what a stress that was. In some ways, a fun stress if I thought I could really help my client. But now after covid, and how the pandemic has pointed out how performative and BS most of our social support systems are in Idaho, I see how that stress was not worth it any more, and was seeming pointless. Frankly glad to have left it behind.

Also, said no to continuing with some other volunteer stuff on my plate, retaining some other volunteers stuff that was important to me. Just reducing the overcommitted ness. So that helped, as has at least trying to get into playing more regularly, which I have done to some degree, and hopefully will build more consistency. Also, getting a part time assistant with my work helps a lot too.

OTOH, have adult kid stuff to deal with, their mental health stuff, their struggles with college and life in a pandemic world, and worries about the collapse of society and climate change, etc.

So, continued mojo to everyone.
 
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