Super-long thread: I got kicked out of a Beatles tribute band
- Thread starter smurfco
- Start date
Dudeman1967
blah, blah, blah...
Just for reference, who are the Beatles?
Some kind of outdated boy band maybe?
Some kind of outdated boy band maybe?
Help!I'maRock!
Mediocringly Derivative
Guitar Heel
Demented Trick
dmn23
Duller than cardboard
This is quality Smurfco right here.
Knox in Box
Rustbelt refugee.
Help! Think of time zone differences before you make this Come Together, you all are still Day Trippers, me I'm So Tired.
frunobulax
Gak Pernah Cukup!
I won't believe what happens next!!
Knox in Box
Rustbelt refugee.
Crying, Waiting, Hoping...
smurfco
Meatus McPrepuce
Here's a video of Savoy Truffle (which is not on Magical Mystery Tour, I know). It was one of the "better" tunes of the night. I'm the moron on the bass.
Karen had video of other tunes but I asked her to delete them. I just sent her a text asking if she still has I Am The Walrus by any chance. It must be seen to be believed.
The Continuing Story of the Walrus Fuckers, part IV:
So John is following me across the room "Can you make the gig? Can you make the gig?"
Smurfco (spinning around to face John): "No, actually, I can't."
John: "Why not?"
Smurfco (pointing to the stage): "Because that was fucking horrible."
"In what way?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah I thought it went pretty great!"
"John, every single song - EVERY single song - had a major fuckup in it from at least two if not three band members."
"Like what?"
"Like the way you completely butchered I Am The Walrus. You sang the second verse twice and it totally fucked up the rest of the band."
"I forgot the words!"
"You had the lyrics printed out!"
"Well, I guess I got nervous!"
"When you get nervous do you forget how to read?"
'OK so I fucked up on Walrus. What do you want me to do?"
"Can we continue this conversation in the green room?"
I start to walk towards the green room, not wanting to do this in front of everyone at the crowd. But he's not moving. Welp, his choice I guess.
John: "This wasn't us at our best. These aren't the songs we usually do. I admit they were maybe a little bit rocky but these are new songs."
Smurfco: "New songs!? They're fifty fucking years old!"
John: "New to us, I mean..."
Smurfco: "Then why in the fuck did you agree to do a gig playing them in front of a thousand people?"
"Well, there were like 14 other bands..."
"That makes us look even worse! At least the other bands all have their shit together. The only person in our band who didn't completely lay a turd up there was Ringo."
"But you can't leave the band - I already told the other Paul he was out and you were in!"
"That's not my problem. This act is amateur hour, and I don't want to be a part of it. That was by far the worst performance I have been involved with since I was in middle school. I cannot believe that people were charged money to see that. This band needs a massive, massive amount of work. That keyboard player sucks, why did you bring him in? Why can't you remember the fucking chords to songs you've been playing forever? Do you practice this stuff at all?"
"Well you already agreed to play two more shows with us, you can't quit now" (He said this in a sad, pleading way, not an angry demanding way).
Smurfco (pausing): "All right, I'll play those two because I said I would, and because I'm not gonna welch on a commitment. But if there isn't massive improvement, I'm talking night-and-day difference with the next show, I'm not going to stick around for the one after that."
John: "Alright, thank you."
I walk off back to Karen. I am sure I am leaving some things out but I literally spent twenty minutes basically telling this guy why he sucked and why the band is garbage. Karen was like "I thought you had gotten lost, I was worried you weren't coming back!"
I get home and go to bed. The next morning I wake up to an e-mail:
"Charles, we have the gigs covered, thank you for your service. Peace. -John"
He kicked me out! I was so relieved!
The End.
Epilogue: The show was on a Saturday, I got that e-mail Sunday morning. Later that Sunday evening, I got a call from Ringo.
Ringo: "Hey, just wanted to get your take on how the Oakdale Incident went down"
So I tell him the whole story about my conversation with John and he agrees with me on everything. Then I say "so I guess that's why John kicked me out this morning"
Ringo: "Wait, what? He kicked you out?"
"Yeah, in an e-mail this morning."
"That's fucking bullshit. Well, I quit."
"What! Why?"
"Before the NYE gig I was already wanting to quit, but with you in the band I thought there was a chance we could tighten up and improve. But if they're getting the old guy back I'm done. They can have amateur hour on their own."
He said that if I ever find some guitar players who're interested and know Beatles stuff we could start up our own trib band. I said that would be cool (it would) and bade him well.
That was the last I heard from any of them.
Karen had video of other tunes but I asked her to delete them. I just sent her a text asking if she still has I Am The Walrus by any chance. It must be seen to be believed.
The Continuing Story of the Walrus Fuckers, part IV:
So John is following me across the room "Can you make the gig? Can you make the gig?"
Smurfco (spinning around to face John): "No, actually, I can't."
John: "Why not?"
Smurfco (pointing to the stage): "Because that was fucking horrible."
"In what way?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah I thought it went pretty great!"
"John, every single song - EVERY single song - had a major fuckup in it from at least two if not three band members."
"Like what?"
"Like the way you completely butchered I Am The Walrus. You sang the second verse twice and it totally fucked up the rest of the band."
"I forgot the words!"
"You had the lyrics printed out!"
"Well, I guess I got nervous!"
"When you get nervous do you forget how to read?"
'OK so I fucked up on Walrus. What do you want me to do?"
"Can we continue this conversation in the green room?"
I start to walk towards the green room, not wanting to do this in front of everyone at the crowd. But he's not moving. Welp, his choice I guess.
John: "This wasn't us at our best. These aren't the songs we usually do. I admit they were maybe a little bit rocky but these are new songs."
Smurfco: "New songs!? They're fifty fucking years old!"
John: "New to us, I mean..."
Smurfco: "Then why in the fuck did you agree to do a gig playing them in front of a thousand people?"
"Well, there were like 14 other bands..."
"That makes us look even worse! At least the other bands all have their shit together. The only person in our band who didn't completely lay a turd up there was Ringo."
"But you can't leave the band - I already told the other Paul he was out and you were in!"
"That's not my problem. This act is amateur hour, and I don't want to be a part of it. That was by far the worst performance I have been involved with since I was in middle school. I cannot believe that people were charged money to see that. This band needs a massive, massive amount of work. That keyboard player sucks, why did you bring him in? Why can't you remember the fucking chords to songs you've been playing forever? Do you practice this stuff at all?"
"Well you already agreed to play two more shows with us, you can't quit now" (He said this in a sad, pleading way, not an angry demanding way).
Smurfco (pausing): "All right, I'll play those two because I said I would, and because I'm not gonna welch on a commitment. But if there isn't massive improvement, I'm talking night-and-day difference with the next show, I'm not going to stick around for the one after that."
John: "Alright, thank you."
I walk off back to Karen. I am sure I am leaving some things out but I literally spent twenty minutes basically telling this guy why he sucked and why the band is garbage. Karen was like "I thought you had gotten lost, I was worried you weren't coming back!"
I get home and go to bed. The next morning I wake up to an e-mail:
"Charles, we have the gigs covered, thank you for your service. Peace. -John"
He kicked me out! I was so relieved!
The End.
Epilogue: The show was on a Saturday, I got that e-mail Sunday morning. Later that Sunday evening, I got a call from Ringo.
Ringo: "Hey, just wanted to get your take on how the Oakdale Incident went down"
So I tell him the whole story about my conversation with John and he agrees with me on everything. Then I say "so I guess that's why John kicked me out this morning"
Ringo: "Wait, what? He kicked you out?"
"Yeah, in an e-mail this morning."
"That's fucking bullshit. Well, I quit."
"What! Why?"
"Before the NYE gig I was already wanting to quit, but with you in the band I thought there was a chance we could tighten up and improve. But if they're getting the old guy back I'm done. They can have amateur hour on their own."
He said that if I ever find some guitar players who're interested and know Beatles stuff we could start up our own trib band. I said that would be cool (it would) and bade him well.
That was the last I heard from any of them.
dmn23
Duller than cardboard
Knox in Box
Rustbelt refugee.
Too bad that guys name is John and not Bill, because if you ever have another run in with him you could have named the thread "The Continuing Adventures Of Bunghole Bill".