Super-long thread: I got kicked out of a Beatles tribute band

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You fucking tease!!!! I want satisfaction, you can't go starting something and not finishing with me bitch!!!


I'm sorry baby, I don't know what got into me. You just make me so crazy for you and all.

Now excuse me while I go look into the glass onion or something.
 
Argh. I normally provide sound for most things that happen at the Oakdale. They rented some power distribution from us for this gig. I said "who's doing the sound and backline?" The Oakdale's Production Manager said "not our problem, this promoter is bringing in some small-time production company". The whole thing sounded like a disaster of an idea. Sorry you were in the middle of that.

Now finish your story dammit!
 
Alright, here is part III of the Walrus Fuckers saga.

I am on the piano and I kick off I Am The Walrus. Keyboard strings come in, awful. Wrong notes. Drums come in, cool. John, who - mind you - has all of the lyrics on a stand in front of him in a huge font, begins to sing.

"I am he are he are he am he are he um he are all together" or something similar to that. Basically just alternating vowels and consonants, like a prick. See how they run like pigs from a gun etc etc. First verse and first chorus conclude without further incident.

Time for the second verse, right? John starts it out. "Expert Texpert choking smokers..." whoops, that's actually the third verse. Not a huge deal, except the second and third verse are different musically. The second verse has the "I'm crying, I'm cryyyyyyyyyying, I'm crying" part while the other verses don't. So once again we have a choice to make - do we play the musical structure of the second verse, which is where we are in the song, or do we play the musical structure of the third verse, which is what John is singing?

As with Blue Jay Way, half of us do it one way, half do the other. Massive trainwreck. John starts singing the second verse right after "I'm Crying" - "Mr. city policeman sitting,,,," then stops singing. Just stops.

Just stops.

I look over at him and he's standing there like God's prized idiot, not singing, not playing. So I start singing. Someone has to right?

We haven't even gotten to the damned bridge yet. It shows up, and the first half of it should be an instrumental walk-down. So this is the time when John decides to start singing again. "Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun..."

Third verse, which we have already sung, now gets sung again, but at least it was in the right place this time. The song mercifully ends.

We play a few more tunes after that one, none quite that bad but all with serious problems. Dropped notes from the George guy, the keyboard player, the John guy. The sax player blowing way louder than everyone on everything (again, the sound company's fault more than the band's)... NO dialogue from the stage if I'm not talking to the crowd. NO movement from the band members, who are all standing stock still the entire time they are playing. The only other musician on stage who had his shit together for the set was Ringo.

Finally, thankfully, the show ends. We get a nice round of applause from what I can only assume was a large contingent from the local School for the Deaf that had come out to the show. I immediately walk off of the stage and walk back to the green room with my Ric bass. "What's up?" Karen asks. "Let's get the fuck out of here, now."

I'm so mad that I'm shaking. But as I pack up I cool down a little bit, and once I'm ready to go (since they are, basically, nice guys) I decide I should at least go in and say goodbye to everyone before I leave. So I walk back into the audience area where the rest of the band is.

(waving) "Bye guys!"

John: (beaming) Hey, that was great! What a great show!

Smurfco: "Yeah, it was something"

John: "Hey, are you available August 19 in Mamaroneck?"

Smurfco: "Uh, I'll have to check."

At this point I am ready to leave so I turn and walk away. John, in addition to being a lousy musician, is also kind of pushy (though I'm not sure he means to be, I just think he's excitable). He follows me "Let me know, August 19? You can do it, right? I bet you can do it - let me know so I can book it! Can you do it?"

So I stop and turn around. I am not in the mood for this shit.

What happened next was pretty unprofessional, I'll be the first to admit. But I feel like if @OGG had been there I would have made him proud.

Stay tuned for part four...
 
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