Mental health check-in

Rough days. Kinda feel like I'm self destructing. My depression and anxiety have been bad lately. Can't get out of bed. Can't shower. No desire to do anything. I dropped my online bass class because I can't find the motivation to practice. I just don't care about anything anymore.
 
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Rough days. Kinda feel like I'm self destructing. My depression and anxiety have been bad lately. Can't get out of bed. Can't shower. No desire to do anything. I dropped my online bass class because I can't find the motivation to practice. I just don't care about anything anymore.

Hang in there. I know the feeling and its ebbs and floes.
 
Good days, not-so-good days.

Sometimes good half-days, and the rest of the day is meh.
 
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I'm doing a little better though I'm very anxious. After a spring and summer with my son all day, it looks like I'll be overseeing his distance learning when school starts. While we can't really afford me being out of work, we can't afford the costs of having someone take care of him during the day either.

For myself, I've been walking 3 to 4 miles every day and I started a mind dump/therapy blog. Today I started reading Aaron Copland's "What to Listen for in Music". I haven't really been playing guitar over the past two weeks so I'm going to start again this evening.
 
Rough days. Kinda feel like I'm self destructing. My depression and anxiety have been bad lately. Can't get out of bed. Can't shower. No desire to do anything. I dropped my online bass class because I can't find the motivation to practice. I just don't care about anything anymore.

Hang in there. You’ve got this.

Just find that first rung. It’s not a maze, there’s no wrong direction, only up.

Start listening to some music.

Hugs.
 
So, anyone have some tips on how to get yourself to settle down and meditate a little, or at least try a little breathing type mindfulness, when your mind doesn't want to slow down enough to do so?

Gonna look up some at home bi-lateral stimulation techniques. That has helped me in the past.

Only just seen this.

I'm a big proponent of mindfulness. There's a tonne of stuff on YouTube depending on what you need it for - sleep, positivity, anxiety etc.... and you pretty much sit back and listen.

I'm having a bit of a meh time. We'll be back to work in a few weeks and it doesn't feel like I've had a summer break at all since we've not been able to get away or do anything interesting. I really want to get back to work but that's because it's like groundhog day.

I'm also anxious in a pragmatic sense of what work will be like when we do go back and generally just fed up.

Had a friend over on Saturday night and we were drunkenly discussing stupid plans like going to Amsterdam or Berlin next weekend, just now I'd take a caravan 20 miles away for a change of scenery.
 
Rough days. Kinda feel like I'm self destructing. My depression and anxiety have been bad lately. Can't get out of bed. Can't shower. No desire to do anything. I dropped my online bass class because I can't find the motivation to practice. I just don't care about anything anymore.

Sending you the bestest vibes I can, but yeah, this shits getting super old.
 
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Couldn’t tell you. I grew up with Lattimore, but my Ancient Greek is extremely rusty. I loved Emily Wilson’s translation of The Odyssey, though, so I’m excited for her Iliad.
Lattimore is what I read in grad school.
I keep trying to read, but I can't stay focused. Not playing much guitar either.
Also not sleeping well, tired all the time, and I feel like there's a weight hanging around my neck and another around each ankle.
I am keeping to my workout routine, eating (mostly) right, and not drinking much.
Meh.
 
Rough days. Kinda feel like I'm self destructing. My depression and anxiety have been bad lately. Can't get out of bed. Can't shower. No desire to do anything. I dropped my online bass class because I can't find the motivation to practice. I just don't care about anything anymore.
Sending my support and check in and love.
 
Rough days. Kinda feel like I'm self destructing. My depression and anxiety have been bad lately. Can't get out of bed. Can't shower. No desire to do anything. I dropped my online bass class because I can't find the motivation to practice. I just don't care about anything anymore.

I'm sorry to hear that. We're all pulling for you, and we hope things look up soon.
 
Rough days. Kinda feel like I'm self destructing. My depression and anxiety have been bad lately. Can't get out of bed. Can't shower. No desire to do anything. I dropped my online bass class because I can't find the motivation to practice. I just don't care about anything anymore.

sometimes it's good to check out and take a break. just make sure and check in again.
 
My outlet for sanity is exercise, as in riding outdoors. Pain keeps me off the bike except for a few short rides per week followed by extra pain.

Sadly, my lumbar pain is excruciating. 7 months without a moment of relief other than a slight dulling from Tramadol or CBD oil. MRI's and X-rays revealed serious bone-on-bone deterioration in my cervical spine (physical therapy helped a little, but can't cure the source), but its pain pales in comparison with the lumbar's, which shows no obvious damage. Throw in elbow and hand pain with weakness and even writing down an address or playing guitar more than a few minutes is difficult. My memory is rapidly declining, so going back to school may not be an option.

I really want to get back to work, but anything I can jump into quickly requires some lifting or hands-on mechanical duties, which are both currently out of reach. Thanks to high deductibles, surgery is no longer an option.

This COVID crap is easy compared to ongoing health issues. Thanks for letting me vent. :helper:
 
I mostly stick in the guitar and amp forums, so I'd just seen this. Mojo to all who need, especially Monica.

When this shit started, both my adult kids lived at Casa Krashpad. Son is a greengrocer at Publix, and moved out since he deals with the public as an essential worker, and I am immunocompromised as a result of post-cancer health complications (missing lymph nodes, weekend antibiotics), to help protect me. Daughter had just graduated school but is still home, looking for work despite being certified as as invasive cardiovascular technologist. Ironic, but the plague is making it harder to get a health care job. At least for the time being, in that field. Of course, by being unemployed at least she is not getting exposed. So there's that.

Mrs. Krashpad is a teacher, or media specialist (librarian) anyhow, in a public school. Right now, Florida is one of the most dangerous places in the world for coronavirus, as a result of our idiot Trumpist Governor. She is SERIOUSLY considering retiring rather than going back, if the schools reopen, brick and mortar, in August. She has a probable post-retirement office job lined up with the teachers' union if she does retire, but still it's a SUPER stressful time for her, since the whole school sitch here is a ridiculous clusterfuck.

Fortunately my antisocial tendencies have finally paid dividends. When the firm, The Law Source, I worked for (since 1984) and co-0wned, dissolved at the end of 2012, I started "telecommuting" to a firm (one of our former TLS clients) down in Ft. Myers, four or five hours south of here. That lasted until early 2018, when a bunch of (other) people quit the Ft. Myers firm, and I was made redundant. Fortunately during those 5 years, I stayed in touch with some other TLS clients around the state, and did side work for them on the weekends. So since 2018, I've been a sole practitioner, but doing the same thing I've always done, and the Ft. Myers firm went from being my full-time employer to one of my clients. My overall income dropped as a result, but since Casa Krashpad's mortgage is paid off, it hasn't been too bad. And since I've been working from home since 1/1/2013 anyhow, my day to day routine is about the same. I just don't go to the credit union in person when the checks come in.

My osteradionecrosis has been slowly advancing, and that's not good. I had my lower left jaw rebuilt with a piece of hipbone and some ankle veins five years ago, and then the neck flesh on that side rebuilt with my left pectoral muscle from my chest. So I am pretty (pardon the pun) disfigured, and have long since given up going out in public without a shemagh, or neckerchief, scarf, or neck gaiter, covering it up. Which I'll admit has not been easy on me psychologically. But at least, now I don't leave the house, so no harm, no foul. And instead of being the ridiculous age 60-something guy that still calls himself Krashpad, now I'm all that plus the guy in the ridiculous scarf thingies. So, lucky to have already been ridiculous I reckon. At any rate, the advancing osteoradionecrosis means that the bone breakdown in my head has resulted in a hole between the back of my mouth and my sinus cavity. Supposed to have that bit checked on in hospital on August 7, but sorry, they're fucked if they think I'm getting within 5 miles of a hospital in Florida right now.

So the health thing is pretty up in the air. Fortunately all the operations cut a lot of nerves, so I'm only in a low-level constant pain, rather than anything debilitating that I can't handle. (Pain mojo to Tig!) I have a big ass bottle of hydrocodone w/an as-needed Rx, but rarely if ever take a dose. I can always self-medicate with beer, and fortunately Total Wine & More™ delivers. so every 3 weeks I get a big-ass delivery and I'm good to go.

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We just had a trip to visit family, which we arranged by renting a large house near my Mom's where each family (three total of us brothers, three families) could have a sleeping/bathroom section of the house, and have limited inside time and masks, sanitizer, distancing rules etc. I was pretty nervous about it, as I wasn't sure if people would do a decent job of following "the rules". But the families did pretty well mostly, and so far it all seems fine. It was great to be able to see my Mom, who had broken her hip at the start of all this (at least for most of us) in early March, and it was great to connect with my brothers and their families, and get to see the PNW and spend some time there. Even saw a pod of Orcas in Hood Canal, where they are rarely seen. We did some camping out there after seeing Mom in Gig Harbor.

So, from a mental health prospective, it was good. Returning to work today, and easing into it. I did keep an eye on the news, and things in Portland are truly alarming to me. But, after my break and a little bit of emotional release and check in with family, I am hoping to approach things in a more ALANON sort of way, and try to be aware, but focus more on things I can do rather than worry about things I can't control. At least that is the goal. My mind and emotions work better if I approach things that way. And overall, I am of better use to the people around me that way. So, feeling glad to have gotten that break and a little perspective.
 
Overal is fine but shor term my left knee has been killing me for about a week, pulled muscle or something, nort really in the knee but feels like a pull in the ligaments/muscles around it and just kinda dull pain 24/7 so that's kinda got me in an agitated mood :embarrassed: then work load is bonkers but I guess can't really complain cuz it's job security but still I can't even stay awake past 8 pm any more just wiped out every day...lost a socket today when i dropped my ratchet and it flew off somewhere. I hate losing tools and normally don't but the boss is a packrat so the shop is cluttered with parts galore...you lay something down and yer looking for it for the next 20 minutes :mad:...then my 6 inch extension broke but that will be under warranty when the Matco guy comes on Thursday.....first world problems for the most part.
 
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