smurfco
Meatus McPrepuce
So this is kind of a long story. I wouldn't blame you if you bailed now.
Still with me? Okay. Here we go.
The story begins back in November or December of 2016 here in Connecticut. I am contacted (or I replied to an ad, I can't remember) by a Beatles tribute band, who for anonymity's sake we will refer to as the Walrus Fuckers. They have a gig on New Year's Eve that their regular Paul and George can't make, and can I fill in as Paul? I say sure. You may recall that I bought that Sgt. Pepper suit for this gig.
So New Year's Eve arrives and we play the gig. The John guy was kind of not great, blowing chord changes and lyrics all night long (even though he had all the lyrics printed out in front of him). The Ringo guy was actually pretty damn good - very solid drumming, obviously knew the tunes. John and Ringo are the band's only regulars at the show that night - this is important to the story later.
The George guy on New Year's Eve was apparently once a cast member in Beatlemania on Broadway. He was an older guy and he didn't sing much but he knew all of George's guitar parts and executed them faithfully. I'd like to think I'm no slouch on the bass as Paul, having played in the Buggs for nearly a decade. So even though we never rehearsed as a band, the show went reasonably well. People had a great time and I was pleasantly surprised at how not-shitty we were, given the circumstances.
Over the next few months not much goes on, then a couple months ago "John" hits me up with my availability for three gigs over the summer months. I say "sure", thinking back to the NYE show. The first of the shows was on June 10th at the Oakdale Dome in Wallingford, CT. We were one of ten bands playing in an all-day Beatles festival celebrating the 50th anniversary of Sgt. Pepper. Each band was doing a themed set, and The Walrus Fuckers decided to play songs from Magical Mystery Tour. Since it's later-era psychedelic stuff, John decides to bring in a keyboard player (let's call him Billy) who's never played with the band before but apparently is pretty good. Ringo from the NYE show is available, as is their regular George. There is also a saxophone / horn player on board.
These are also songs that are not in this band's regular repertoire.
We have time for one rehearsal only, due to everyone's crazy work schedules.
The regular Ringo can't make the rehearsal, so we have some other drummer show up. From the first note I realize I've made a terrible mistake. Their regular George can't hear the difference between a major chord and a minor chord. Billy is adequate on the keys but his sounds are way off (more 80s sounding than 60s sounding). John is still a mess vocally and on guitar. And Ringo 2.0 - well he just plain sucks.
Then John and George get the idea to get crazy with arrangement ideas. John wants to start the show with the intro from Blue Jay Way, the big swirly organ sounds, and then sing just the first verse ("There's a fog upon L.A. and my friends have lost their way, we'll be over soon they said, now they've lost themselves instead") and then kick straight into Magical Mystery Tour (BAM-ba-bomp, BAM-ba-bomp, baaaaaaaaammmmm).
I suggest that maybe we should stick to playing these unfamiliar tunes as they are on the record and not try and get cute with it. John tells me "it'll be great!" I relent.
Did I mention that on a few of the songs they want me to play piano? (Fool On The Hill, I Am The Walrus, etc) That's not a problem but it also comes into play later on in this tragic tale.
So we continue to stagger through this practice (which is awful, but I seem to be the only person in the room aware of this fact - everyone else is going "we sound great!" and I can tell they think it's true). We get to Penny Lane, and George says "hey, we're not doing Strawberry Fields Forever, that's a great tune". John says "we don't have time to include it, it's a short set" and George says "well, what if we play the first half of Strawberry Fields Forever, and then play the second half of Penny Lane, and do it as one song?"
This is where I had to put my foot down.
"Guys, those songs are in wildly different keys, tempos, styles. Also, this is our only practice and we have a lot of other shit to get through. Also, this drummer is not the drummer we will have at the show, so we'll have to cross our fingers and hope that he gets the idea and switches when we do."
George: "Well I think it'll be fine."
John: "Yeah don't worry about it, this way we can play them both."
I am pretty dumbfounded that they don't see the issue here. So I say "I'm sorry guys, I really must insist - no. No, we're not doing that. I'm already nervous enough about the Blue Jay Way thing but at least it makes some kind of sense. This idea is a bad idea."
Finally they agree. We finish up rehearsal and I head home, now extremely worried about this gig (where the audience is projected to be around 1,000 to 2,000 Beatles fans). I believe I even texted @Help!I'maRock! when I got home, telling him what a fucking disaster I thought I was in store for with this gig.
Turns out I was wrong - it wasn't a disaster - it was much, much worse than that.
To be continued with the story of the gig...
Still with me? Okay. Here we go.
The story begins back in November or December of 2016 here in Connecticut. I am contacted (or I replied to an ad, I can't remember) by a Beatles tribute band, who for anonymity's sake we will refer to as the Walrus Fuckers. They have a gig on New Year's Eve that their regular Paul and George can't make, and can I fill in as Paul? I say sure. You may recall that I bought that Sgt. Pepper suit for this gig.
So New Year's Eve arrives and we play the gig. The John guy was kind of not great, blowing chord changes and lyrics all night long (even though he had all the lyrics printed out in front of him). The Ringo guy was actually pretty damn good - very solid drumming, obviously knew the tunes. John and Ringo are the band's only regulars at the show that night - this is important to the story later.
The George guy on New Year's Eve was apparently once a cast member in Beatlemania on Broadway. He was an older guy and he didn't sing much but he knew all of George's guitar parts and executed them faithfully. I'd like to think I'm no slouch on the bass as Paul, having played in the Buggs for nearly a decade. So even though we never rehearsed as a band, the show went reasonably well. People had a great time and I was pleasantly surprised at how not-shitty we were, given the circumstances.
Over the next few months not much goes on, then a couple months ago "John" hits me up with my availability for three gigs over the summer months. I say "sure", thinking back to the NYE show. The first of the shows was on June 10th at the Oakdale Dome in Wallingford, CT. We were one of ten bands playing in an all-day Beatles festival celebrating the 50th anniversary of Sgt. Pepper. Each band was doing a themed set, and The Walrus Fuckers decided to play songs from Magical Mystery Tour. Since it's later-era psychedelic stuff, John decides to bring in a keyboard player (let's call him Billy) who's never played with the band before but apparently is pretty good. Ringo from the NYE show is available, as is their regular George. There is also a saxophone / horn player on board.
These are also songs that are not in this band's regular repertoire.
We have time for one rehearsal only, due to everyone's crazy work schedules.
The regular Ringo can't make the rehearsal, so we have some other drummer show up. From the first note I realize I've made a terrible mistake. Their regular George can't hear the difference between a major chord and a minor chord. Billy is adequate on the keys but his sounds are way off (more 80s sounding than 60s sounding). John is still a mess vocally and on guitar. And Ringo 2.0 - well he just plain sucks.
Then John and George get the idea to get crazy with arrangement ideas. John wants to start the show with the intro from Blue Jay Way, the big swirly organ sounds, and then sing just the first verse ("There's a fog upon L.A. and my friends have lost their way, we'll be over soon they said, now they've lost themselves instead") and then kick straight into Magical Mystery Tour (BAM-ba-bomp, BAM-ba-bomp, baaaaaaaaammmmm).
I suggest that maybe we should stick to playing these unfamiliar tunes as they are on the record and not try and get cute with it. John tells me "it'll be great!" I relent.
Did I mention that on a few of the songs they want me to play piano? (Fool On The Hill, I Am The Walrus, etc) That's not a problem but it also comes into play later on in this tragic tale.
So we continue to stagger through this practice (which is awful, but I seem to be the only person in the room aware of this fact - everyone else is going "we sound great!" and I can tell they think it's true). We get to Penny Lane, and George says "hey, we're not doing Strawberry Fields Forever, that's a great tune". John says "we don't have time to include it, it's a short set" and George says "well, what if we play the first half of Strawberry Fields Forever, and then play the second half of Penny Lane, and do it as one song?"
This is where I had to put my foot down.
"Guys, those songs are in wildly different keys, tempos, styles. Also, this is our only practice and we have a lot of other shit to get through. Also, this drummer is not the drummer we will have at the show, so we'll have to cross our fingers and hope that he gets the idea and switches when we do."
George: "Well I think it'll be fine."
John: "Yeah don't worry about it, this way we can play them both."
I am pretty dumbfounded that they don't see the issue here. So I say "I'm sorry guys, I really must insist - no. No, we're not doing that. I'm already nervous enough about the Blue Jay Way thing but at least it makes some kind of sense. This idea is a bad idea."
Finally they agree. We finish up rehearsal and I head home, now extremely worried about this gig (where the audience is projected to be around 1,000 to 2,000 Beatles fans). I believe I even texted @Help!I'maRock! when I got home, telling him what a fucking disaster I thought I was in store for with this gig.
Turns out I was wrong - it wasn't a disaster - it was much, much worse than that.
To be continued with the story of the gig...
