Mental health check-in

[jbj]

Bah has a big post typed out there but I've got to watch what I post.

A kid came out to me earlier during a MH check in conversation.

They're out at home but I'm the first one in public they've divulged to. I teared up. I'm seen as strict, maybe a bit scary in work (kids and staff) but that meant a lot to me and I let the kid know it.

I talked a bit about what being LGBT+ would have been like when I was at school 20 years ago and it was horrible to think about. I was implicitly part of the problem even if I wasn't out and out antagonistic / bullying the clearly gay kids, none of whom felt like they could come out at school.

It felt good to tell this kid that we've moved on a tonne and while they'll probably face adversity, they're in a much better world to go through what they're experiencing.

 

[tiger roach]

mojo @sunvalleylaw (just now saw)

 

[PunkKitty]

I've been listening to an audiobook of "The Body Keeps The Score". It's a book about trauma and PTSD/CPTSD. It's been a hard book for me to listen to. I have a lifelong history of trauma going back to childhood that has often caused flashbacks and social issues. This book has brought a lot of that back, but I feel that it's important that I am better informed and know something about it. After a couple of decades of therapy, it still haunts me and I don't have any sort of resolution for it. The other day, I was talking to my therapist about it and we decided to look into me seeing a trauma specialist, possibly for EMDR. I'm hoping it works out. Living with CPTSD (complex PTSD from various types of trauma experiences) has made my life hell.

 

[Punchy]

@sunvalleylaw - aww man, I'm sorry to hear that. Glad you're trying to keep a positive attitude, but all the mojo I can muster for ya.

 

[Punchy]

Hey all, been a while. Between the promotion at work, trying to finish my bachelor's program, and increasing programs for the kids it's hard to find personal time. When I took the promotion at work, there was an expectation that I would be one of two supervisors over all the warehouse and clothing room staff, unfortunately, the other supervisor has been unable to be at work consistently, so all that extra falls to me and my direct supervisor who *really* shouldn't be dealing with this shit. Anyway, I'm less than a year from finishing my bachelor's in criminal justice, the kids are doing great in school and advancing in their karate studies. The elder has picked up the music bug and is currently involved with violin and trombone at the elementary school, and the instructor recently gifted her a keyboard that just happens to accept my one-spot 9v power supply Oh, and I need to replace the strings on a family-vintage classical 3/4 scale guitar so she can start practicing that. The younger is more interesting in gaming and game design, which is great, but she also just acquired a mustang filly to participate in the 4-h program. Like I said, it's a busy time. On top of all that I've reconnected with my biological father, which is comforting and weird all at the same time.

Listening to Black Market Hearts on Pandora tonight, and it made me realize I hadn't visited for quite some time. I just need to get better about checking in, this group of folks in my mind is my first-tier online community and I've just been out of it, and I haven't been involved.

All that being said, my mental state is better than it was a few years back, I've learned some tricks, but I could still stand to tweak some settings to get to a better place. Hope y'all are doing well, and I'll do my best to catch up on the *cough*so-f-ing-many-posts*cough*.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

Gwen is out of town for the weekend. We continue to communicate and cooperate productively. One of us is moving out to an apartment, and we found one that will work for now for a decent price nearby. We are deciding who will go and who will stay in the home. Mostly likely makes more sense for me to go, but we are going to talk about that after she comes back. I may buy her out of the house ultimately. We are also talking about building a nice apartment (we had considered/planned to do so anyway for a tenant) on our acre lot with entrance and living space away from the main house, as a way for both of us to live here without making things hugely expensive, for a few years while the kids are in college. We are cooperating on all those expenses also.

Still feels strange and like a big change, but at least it is still being handled reasonably productively. Focus is returning as I drive it back to the good stuff I was working on anyway for myself. But am behind a little. Oh well, at least focus is beginning to return.

Pics of proposed apartment above a garage. garage space is available for a little bit extra.

 

[Lerxst]

Gwen is out of town for the weekend. We continue to communicate and cooperate productively. One of us is moving out to an apartment, and we found one that will work for now for a decent price nearby. We are deciding who will go and who will stay in the home. Mostly likely makes more sense for me to go, but we are going to talk about that after she comes back. I may buy her out of the house ultimately. We are also talking about building a nice apartment (we had considered/planned to do so anyway for a tenant) on our acre lot with entrance and living space away from the main house, as a way for both of us to live here without making things hugely expensive, for a few years while the kids are in college. We are cooperating on all those expenses also.

Still feels strange and like a big change, but at least it is still being handled reasonably productively. Focus is returning as I drive it back to the good stuff I was working on anyway for myself. But am behind a little. Oh well, at least focus is beginning to return.

Pics of proposed apartment above a garage. garage space is available for a little bit extra.

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Only you and your wife know yourselves enough to know if this will work for you going forward. I have friends that tried but when one was ready to move on to a new relationship, the other was not ready to accept it and it caused conflict. Good luck with what ever path you two decide to take.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

Only you and your wife know yourselves enough to know if this will work for you going forward. I have friends that tried but when one was ready to move on to a new relationship, the other was not ready to accept it and it caused conflict. Good luck with what ever path you two decide to take.

We discussed that very possibility in our last counseling session, and all agreed that we SHOULD be able to handle it. But a simple escape clause concerning the house will exist for that very reason, as things could go wrong when that comes to pass. I buy her out at appraised value, or we sell and split proceeds. Will be written up by a lawyer.

 

[CST]

Gwen is out of town for the weekend. We continue to communicate and cooperate productively. One of us is moving out to an apartment, and we found one that will work for now for a decent price nearby. We are deciding who will go and who will stay in the home. Mostly likely makes more sense for me to go, but we are going to talk about that after she comes back. I may buy her out of the house ultimately. We are also talking about building a nice apartment (we had considered/planned to do so anyway for a tenant) on our acre lot with entrance and living space away from the main house, as a way for both of us to live here without making things hugely expensive, for a few years while the kids are in college. We are cooperating on all those expenses also.

Still feels strange and like a big change, but at least it is still being handled reasonably productively. Focus is returning as I drive it back to the good stuff I was working on anyway for myself. But am behind a little. Oh well, at least focus is beginning to return.

Pics of proposed apartment above a garage. garage space is available for a little bit extra.

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It sounds like you two are being very good to each other. That’s so important especially since y’all have children, albeit they are in college. I would hope that there will be family gatherings in your future. My ex & I have been divorced for two years. We split the property right down the middle. I moved & we live exactly 50 miles away from each other. We still see each other once a week! If one of us should start dating again, of course things would change.
Keep up the good work. I’m hoping that everything works out well!

 

[smurfco]

Continued mojo to everybody.

 

[Mark Wein]

Continued mojo to everybody.

And to you as well.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

Ok so cat’s out of the bag with regard to the splitting up. Kids know and that all went OK though I have some concerns about resentment built up that we didn’t deal with our shit sooner from at least one of them. But can’t do anything about that.

The friend and family net work is coming to life with the news, so will be dealing with that for a few days, and have started moving into the new apartment, which will be nice once I am settled. Just bad timing in terms of time of year for dealing with moving. But, a whole lot better than the veil of secrecy, since we decided three or so weeks ago. Onward and upward.

 

[jbj]

Had to administer another mental health first aid conversation in work today.

Been doing this job about 5 or 6 weeks and that's the 3rd "are you putting serious thought into killing or harming yourself?" conversation I've to have with kids.

 

[Lerxst]

I just looked at those pics and gawd dang, that's the same bedroom set I had as a kid! Storage headboard, armoire, and a matching bureau...crazy

 

[sunvalleylaw]

I just looked at those pics and gawd dang, that's the same bedroom set I had as a kid! Storage headboard, armoire, and a matching bureau...crazy

Sweet! I am moving to Lerxst’s childhood bedroom! Is there weed?

seriously, though, my new bed will be coming and it is a king identical to what we have in our current bedroom and saw that headboard thing might not work that well they’ll probably it Hass to stay there as it is the owners and the place is partially furnished. Meaning also, she stores stuff there. But we will see as I move in and get things figured out.

 

[Lerxst]

Sweet! I am moving to Lerxst’s childhood bedroom! Is there weed?

seriously, though, my new bed will be coming and it is a king identical to what we have in our current bedroom and saw that headboard thing might not work that well they’ll probably it Hass to stay there as it is the owners and the place is partially furnished. Meaning also, she stores stuff there. But we will see as I move in and get things figured out.

If you want, I'll look online for the wallpaper that was in my room to complete the vibe. Had some sweet posters too.
Huge blue stain on the ceiling that my Dad couldn't figure out how to paint over from randomly mixing chemicals in a corked test tube from my chemistry set, just to see what'd happen. I think he eventually cut the sheet rock out and replaced it.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

So, thinking about some of our folks going through things right now. Mojo to all.

By way of update for me, part way, probably more than half, moved in to the apartment, with the stuff I will bring for now while we figure stuff out. There have been some times where I have felt pretty unstable in terms of my identity and reality. Big change. Skiing and the bilateral stimulation it provides has been key to me feeling like me. Some issues with my oldest and her mental health issues that have been triggered by all this, and that has been hard. But we are communicating and working through.

Therapy yesterday was really good, and confirming that I did all I could do before making the decision with my wife that we would end it. And my therapist is helping me give myself permission to trust my instincts and process and roll with things more, rather than second guess all the time. Was super helpful. Therapy is a good thing.

Front room update. Gonna put an oriental throw rug we have in the middle there to anchor it a bit.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

oh, and a mcm style media stand will go under that TV tomorrow (Scandesigns) and that patio table will leave. clutter will go too as I put stuff away.

again, clutter will leave. You can see the couch way over there in the back corner, which will be a good lounge base next to that big glass door and window, though I really prefer my recliner chairs, but the space will work and be comfortable. I tried to re-create a lot of what I like about my home office/music space at the house. The only thing is that any sort of recording stuff will need to be on a desk in the other room that I’m not taking a picture of now because it’s a rack with clothes all over the place. But it will get there. Also, I bought that vintage danish side table, which will replace the more craftsman or whatever style one that is sitting there right now that comes with the apartment, and that one will go somewhere else. Trying to go more fully MCM in this room with the exception of the couch and overstuffed chair that came with the apartment. And my new space, it will be pretty much MCM vibe once I get there. At least in the room that I set up like this.

oh, and the stacked up patio chairs will leave also.

 

[Flamencology]

Congrats on your new beginnings.

Looks like you’ve got a really nice-looking bachelor pad that will should suit you well for a stretch.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

This is the media stand that will go back behind where the TV is now, fitting into that corner better, and bringing the TV back some. And good coffee machine arrived.