Mental health check-in

Where to start!

My line manager is off long term sick so I've been asked to step in and cover his remit as of last week. Unpaid for the time being :/

We had a big government visit last week which I had to be part of so that added on the stress of getting up to speed. I tell you what, as a guy from a rough scheme where anything other than bottling shit up and letting it fester is the MO, I went full on in the self care states last week and it really really made a difference. :thu:

Sidestep:
I had a weird encounter last night. Mrs JBJ and I went for a quick drink to give Lola some alone time. There was a random dude their drunk off his face and giving off weird vibes.

We were about to leave when the barman who's just a kid asked if we'd hang around until someone else came in so he wasn't there alone with the dude.

Cut a long story short we went very quick from things potentially escalating to blows to where I end up administering mental health first aid to him outside while he's in tears pouring his heart out about being an alcoholic, his wife kicking him out and not letting him see the kids etc... Brutal. I hugged him, I don't regret it.

At one point he says "f##king look at me, I'm the mental health first aider in my work" my response was "so you know exactly what I'm doing here, take it on board "

All going to plan the taxi I put him in went to the hotel he wanted to go to and he didn't get into any more bother.

I did manage to find him on FB and sent him a message if support and wishing him well, I may live to regret that but it felt like the right thing to do.


Word has got around the scheme, I've had a handful of messages today of the "should have smashed that guy with a pool cue, job done" variety.

Dude was in a bad place and it took nothing to be kind. My uncle died on the streets of London as a drunk and although I didn't really know my uncle at all, I'd like to hope some people showed him a bit if kindness when he really needed it too when he was alive.


Back in to the positive stuff, I'm getting really good feedback from staff and parents about how I'm doing in the new job. I think the kids are just glad Im not teaching them for the time being :bigg:
 
sunvalleylaw said:
So after 2 years of working on it, Gwen and I have decided to end our marriage. It was discussed lovingly, even though that sounds weird. And we agreed to do all we could to preserve our relationship as co-parents of our grown kids. And to not trash each other and try to just figure it out. Other than that, that was enough to decide and we will work on the other stuff another day. I am having trouble getting to sleep as it is a big change, and still sinking in. But in a sense relieved as it has been a long road, and though I wanted to stay married, the handwriting was on the walls. So, in a sense, it is good to make a decision and move forward.
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Mojo
 
Divorce is hard to figure out, even when you don't hate each other and are not throwing rocks and stabbing with pitch forks. Lots to figure out. Starting with finding a different place in a housing crisis. Then going from there once actually not in the same home. I am glad we are working with each other and trying to be creative to figure out how it will all work. but figuring one of us (and that is probably me as I can easier) better move before someone's feelings get hurt or someone gets mad and that cooperation ends.
That is all.
 
sunvalleylaw said:
Divorce is hard to figure out, even when you don't hate each other and are not throwing rocks and stabbing with pitch forks. Lots to figure out. Starting with finding a different place in a housing crisis. Then going from there once actually not in the same home. I am glad we are working with each other and trying to be creative to figure out how it will all work. but figuring one of us (and that is probably me as I can easier) better move before someone's feelings get hurt or someone gets mad and that cooperation ends.
That is all.
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Chin up man.

Finally feel like I'm getting a decent grasp of this new role and it won't last but a bunch of colleagues have come and made a point of telling me they think I'm doing really well which is nice.

You do however become more privy to the need to know specifics which hasn't been nice for the most part. Lots of significant (ie really frightening) mental health stuff going on behind the scenes.
 
sunvalleylaw said:
Divorce is hard to figure out, even when you don't hate each other and are not throwing rocks and stabbing with pitch forks. Lots to figure out. Starting with finding a different place in a housing crisis. Then going from there once actually not in the same home. I am glad we are working with each other and trying to be creative to figure out how it will all work. but figuring one of us (and that is probably me as I can easier) better move before someone's feelings get hurt or someone gets mad and that cooperation ends.
That is all.
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I have a tool shed in the backyard I could rent you, it’s not the greatest shape and it leaks in the rain but it’s usually dry here. My Lemmon ski valley is currently open and you could get up there in about 1 hour and 20 minutes from my place.
 
sunvalleylaw said:
So after 2 years of working on it, Gwen and I have decided to end our marriage. It was discussed lovingly, even though that sounds weird. And we agreed to do all we could to preserve our relationship as co-parents of our grown kids. And to not trash each other and try to just figure it out. Other than that, that was enough to decide and we will work on the other stuff another day. I am having trouble getting to sleep as it is a big change, and still sinking in. But in a sense relieved as it has been a long road, and though I wanted to stay married, the handwriting was on the walls. So, in a sense, it is good to make a decision and move forward.
Click to expand...

Just saw this SVL. Mojo. Having been there done that I'm sorry it didn't work out but at least your kids are grown and it seems to be something that you both made the decision together on as hard as it might be for you. Stay strong and move forward, it's all you can really do anyways

Divorce is hard to figure out, even when you don't hate each other and are not throwing rocks and stabbing with pitch forks. Lots to figure out. Starting with finding a different place in a housing crisis. Then going from there once actually not in the same home. I am glad we are working with each other and trying to be creative to figure out how it will all work. but figuring one of us (and that is probably me as I can easier) better move before someone's feelings get hurt or someone gets mad and that cooperation ends.
That is all.
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Yeah I hear you. FWIW I moved to a different country but not everyone needs to get that extreme :shrug:
 
sunvalleylaw said:
Divorce is hard to figure out, even when you don't hate each other and are not throwing rocks and stabbing with pitch forks. Lots to figure out. Starting with finding a different place in a housing crisis. Then going from there once actually not in the same home. I am glad we are working with each other and trying to be creative to figure out how it will all work. but figuring one of us (and that is probably me as I can easier) better move before someone's feelings get hurt or someone gets mad and that cooperation ends.
That is all.
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Just seeing this now. I have nothing to offer but my kindest of wishes, and I hope they reach you in some way.
 
frunobulax said:
Keep moving forward SVL. All my best to you. I can't even imagine the anguish.
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Honestly, there is some relief. And the weird thing is that my wife and I are getting along much more naturally and easily now, which is weird. And causes us to question things. But seems clear at least separation is in order, as our mutual emotional needs were not being met, and when we were trying, things were tense and feelings were hurt. It feels like we are much better room-mates/partners in raising (and young adult raising) kids than we are as romantic partners. And that hasn't really changed. We can discuss logistical things and etc. fine, but communicating on more personal or other types of things such as feelings about what is going on in the world is still awkward.

So, at least separation is in order and we are working on the plan. But it kinda sucks to have to figure out how to tell people and talk about that. Will be glad when that part is over. And again, very grateful we are working together to figure out these logistics and neither of us seems to be looking to take advantage of the other. Which will be necessary/helpful for us financially. We are hoping to be that couple that can still have family events together and have it be fun. I guess the first time someone else is involved may tell the tale.
 
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sunvalleylaw said:
Honestly, there is some relief. And the weird thing is that my wife and I are getting along much more naturally and easily now, which is weird. And causes us to question things. But seems clear at least separation is in order, as our mutual emotional needs were not being met, and when we were trying, things were tense and feelings were hurt. It feels like we are much better room-mates/partners in raising (and young adult raising) kids than we are as romantic partners. And that hasn't really changed. We can discuss logistical things and etc. fine, but communicating on more personal or other types of things such as feelings about what is going on in the world is still awkward.

So, at least separation is in order and we are working on the plan. But it kinda sucks to have to figure out how to tell people and talk about that. Will be glad when that part is over. And again, very grateful we are working together to figure out these logistics and neither of us seems to be looking to take advantage of the other. Which will be necessary/helpful for us financially. We are hoping to be that couple that can still have family events together and have it be fun. I guess the first time someone else is involved may tell the tale.
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Obviously you're living moment to moment these days....as all of us would or have done. One thing I would caution you on is that you and you ex are going to probably have a changing/evolving relationship for a period of time that will at moments, be hard to make sense of. Through out this process, don't stop reflecting on what is best for this chapter of your life and your relationship with your kids & trying to keep progress in that direction. Be content with you and the rest will follow. Good luck!
 
Lerxst said:
Obviously you're living moment to moment these days....as all of us would or have done. One thing I would caution you on is that you and you ex are going to probably have a changing/evolving relationship for a period of time that will at moments, be hard to make sense of. Through out this process, don't stop reflecting on what is best for this chapter of your life and your relationship with your kids & trying to keep progress in that direction. Be content with you and the rest will follow. Good luck!
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Good advice and I’m trying to remember that. But I am going to cut the snippet and put it in my phone perhaps just remind myself in the moment things start getting wonky. I am well aware that this “honeymoon” period of cooperation could end. But I know we both want for that not to go to badly for exactly the reason you mention. To support each other’s relationship with our kids and our own as well.
 
sunvalleylaw said:
Good advice and I’m trying to remember that. But I am going to cut the snippet and put it in my phone perhaps just remind myself in the moment things start getting wonky. I am well aware that this “honeymoon” period of cooperation could end. But I know we both want for that not to go to badly for exactly the reason you mention. To support each other’s relationship with our kids and our own as well.
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Hippie moment: Hold each moment you had as precious. But also know that it is not necessarily redeemable currency. Hold it precious for its own worth, not for something that will pay off in the future. You have a while new future ahead of you, and it will be good too.
 
Motorik said:
Hippie moment: Hold each moment you had as precious. But also know that it is not necessarily redeemable currency. Hold it precious for its own worth, not for something that will pay off in the future. You have a while new future ahead of you, and it will be good too.
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I can do that some of the time, and I think I will get better at that as time goes. But I can’t dwell on the past too much or I just get sad.
 
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