Mental health check-in

No matter what, you have to be you. You both need to have that freedom within the relationship. Sure, we make accommodations to keep the peace and to provide the necessary space.

Sorry, but I'm having a difficult time expressing complex things lately, so allow me to use some Rush lyrics that might actually shine a little light. Hopefully this doesn't come across as cheesy.

We are secrets to each other
Each one's life a novel
No-one else has read
Even joined in bonds of love
We're linked to one another
By such slender threads

We are planets to each other
Drifting in our orbits
To a brief eclipse
Each of us a world apart
Alone and yet together
Like two passing ships

Just between us
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes feared to show
Just between us
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room
For you and I to grow

We are strangers to each other
Full of sliding panels
An illusion show
Acting well-rehearsed routines
Or playing from the heart?
It's hard for one to know

Just between us
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes feared to show
Just between us
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room
For you and I to grow

We are islands to each other
Building hopeful bridges
On a troubled sea
Some are burned or swept away
Some we would not choose
But we're not always free

Just between us
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes feared to show
Just between us
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room
For you and I to grow


Thanks, Doug. I hear you. And even if I thought it was corny, I wouldn't care.
 
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@sunvalleylaw - mojo man. Real feelings can be hard. I had a rough year and a half of emotional breakdown and recovery, but feels like I'm on the upward path now. Either that or I'm too tired to care at the moment. Either way, keep on keepin' on man :jogger:
Thanks, Punchy. I am really glad you stopped by and said that. It is meaningful. Thank you.
 
So, we had counseling today, and I understand a bit where I got off course, and where I will need to invest some time learning how to care for my own needs and process more. And Gwen understood me more as to why I was so upset, and I learned a little more about why our process and style of dealing with the shitty stuff is so different from one another. So, good session.
 
By way of update, I have made some decisions regarding engagement in all the dumpster fire that is going on. Bottom line, I am backing way off in terms of my involvement in any way using my lawyer skills, including trying to talk to people about stuff, especially on the internet, etc. I just need to back away from that for a while, focus on personal, family, extended family and community, and related health, stability, needs, etc. Things I can do that might be good in that arena. And will continue to avoid court (other than I still have a little contract with a small town/county as a contract PD that I will probably keep up to another year or so. That is more community service than anything really, in terms of what I do).

And I am going to re-direct that time trying to be a lawyer (a lawyer in social situations where people may have that expectation of me, and I put it on myself), have opinions, talk sense to people, etc., and just do things I can do with those pulled back priorities in mind. Worked in the yard on stuff we need, decided that since we can't get contractors to come out and do some yard stuff that I can rent some gear and do it myself and save money anyway, that is what I will do, etc. And focus on good healthy basics.

I can't get into my counselor for another few weeks for her assistance in this personal work, but I do have things I can do in the meantime, related to the above, and mindfulness, mental, physical and spiritual health, etc.

Just a lot of letting go. Backing off, staying in my lane, and watching the wheels go round and round. I have a new appreciation for that Lennon song now.

Thanks for letting me vent here and process out loud. It is something I seem to need to do, and appreciate you all in letting me do it.
 
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Nearing my 20th month of chemo (temozolide). It’s still working, obviously, and it’ll be my normal until it doesn’t.

But I’m majorly tired, and I think I’m getting used to it, in some ways. Sleeping less than I was 6 months ago.

Spent the winter being layered in cardigans, blankets, and caps indoors. Now that summer is approaching, I’m wearing sunglasses indoors because my eyes have become very light-sensitive. So I feel… a bit alien. ‘Outdoors’ really isn’t a thing for me anymore, and it’s something that I used to love.

Feel a bit conflicted or have survivors’s guilt, because I know I’m one of the lucky ones, and have lost a lot of cancer friends in recent months, and have some that are much sicker than I am.

Guess I’m whinging here because I don’t do much of it ‘IRL’.

My family is still great, and I still love coffee, still have a sex life, and musicianship has become a bigger part of my life than it has been in a whole. All of which is pretty ace.

Anyway.
 
Ugh. Starting to crack.

Russia-Ukraine.
Inflation.
Stock market tanking.
Unbelievably idiotic/psychotic politicians.
COVID-19 and its new variants.
Mass shootings.
Killadelphia.Wilding making a huge comeback.
Degenerative arthritis.
Assholes stealing my ideas at work.
My asshole neighbor with the F-150 "Lightning" pickup with the loud pipes that leaves for work at 4 a.m. and lets his truck idle for 30 minutes before gunning it a few times before leaving.
SCOTUS
Monkeypox.
Fat chicks in skimpy outfits that say Juicy or Pink.

C'mon GIANT ASTEROID 2022.
 
Physical health check-in:

I hurt my back yesterday, carrying books around as I was recategorizing my library. Consequently, it hurts when I move. I also feel especially old and grumpy. :mad:
 
Physical health check-in:

I hurt my back yesterday, carrying books around as I was recategorizing my library. Consequently, it hurts when I move. I also feel especially old and grumpy. :mad:
wait till you throw your back out tying your shoes :cop:
 
I've been dealing with a sore shoulder for much of the past six months. Initially, the medical powers-that-be gave me an x-ray, indicated I had "calcific tendonosis" in my right shoulder and started me on PT. I noted that my range of motion continued to decline, and after a month of increased pain they finally allowed me an MRI that showed two full-thickness tears and several partial-thickness tears on tendons in my shoulder/rotator cuff. I got the results two weeks before we moved from CA to WI, so there wasn't much that could be done, and I'm sure the packing and moving aggravated the condition, but now I'm having to establish myself with new medical providers and won't get to see an orthopedic surgeon until early July. I am pretty much resigned to not being able to do my normal activities pain-free but hope that eventually something is done to correct this problem...
 
Frazzled at work.

We finish up 2 weeks tomorrow, I've got SOOOOOOO much to do for my management remit before then and I'm basically losing next week by being one of two staff qualified to drive our minibus so I'll be spending the week taking kids out to trips :headsmash:

I'll get everything over the line but it's crap just now and means I won't have a chance to prep for next year or really enjoy winding down with the kids in the last week.
 
Things have be crazy hectic and stressful for us lately. I work about 45 hours/week, mostly days with some evening meetings. Super busy at work but can't let it spill over into any more hours because the wifey works 4x12s (more like 4x13s) night shifts each week. Travel (in-town) nursing. We have 2 kids, ages 3 and 6.
Every second of every day is not only scheduled, it's rushed. I'm essentially a single dad with a full time job 4 days/week because the wife just works and sleeps those days.
So we're barely keeping it together...and then a kid gets sick, or I have a meeting the same night the wife has to work, etc etc and the it all comes unglued and we end up skipping a night (day) of sleep, or trying to work a stressful ass job and entertain a sick toddler at the same time, etc.

Good news is that she's not taking an assignment over the summer so we'll all get a break. It's pretty much unavoidable because the kids' school will be closed. We have 1 more week to go.

In the fall, I don't think were gonna be able to do the 4x12 schedule again. Maybe 3x12s. The $ is great and we're knocking out a lot of financial goals but it's a just killing us.
 
I am currently off work due to anxiety and panic attacks. This is the second long spell I had to take off work this year.

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for a long time, but I had it under control until last year. Not sure what triggered it.

Anyway, when talking to my gp, when discussing my background, he wanted me to get tested for ADHD as in his opinion, the anxiety and panic, sleep issues and various other issues l, my behaviours and my personal history strongly pointed towards ADHD.

It suddenly makes so much sense. All my life I have struggled with jobs, social life, life in general. I have been called lazy, chaotic, disorganised, unreliable, lacking focus and drive, erratic, fidgety, having low-self-confidence etc.

So I am now waiting for proper medical assessment, but it already feels we are getting closer to a possible improvement on my situation.

anyone here have any experience?
 
I am currently off work due to anxiety and panic attacks. This is the second long spell I had to take off work this year.

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for a long time, but I had it under control until last year. Not sure what triggered it.

Anyway, when talking to my gp, when discussing my background, he wanted me to get tested for ADHD as in his opinion, the anxiety and panic, sleep issues and various other issues l, my behaviours and my personal history strongly pointed towards ADHD.

It suddenly makes so much sense. All my life I have struggled with jobs, social life, life in general. I have been called lazy, chaotic, disorganised, unreliable, lacking focus and drive, erratic, fidgety, having low-self-confidence etc.

So I am now waiting for proper medical assessment, but it already feels we are getting closer to a possible improvement on my situation.

anyone here have any experience?
I don't, but I'm seeing other people with previously un (or mis-) diagnosed issues like that be able to change their trajectory once they have a better handle on an underlying issue or condition.

Me, I'm finally getting back to work after a summer that had fun gigs but saw my teaching income bottom out as people just decided to take the summer off and go on every vacation they missed over the last few years. Today I'm substitute teaching at my son's school and we started conservatory at mine yesterday. This week I am having to finish preparing three hours worth of country music that I've never played for one gig and we have two very long rehearsals coming up tomorrow and Thursday and I've had to turn other stuff down, too. It's good to be busy but every day is now 14 hours (or more) of mayhem. Some balance would be nice at some point in my life.
 
anyone here have any experience?

Mainly with the kids I teach so not an ideal comparison but a colleague joined us around 6 months ago and he's very open about having ADHD. He's able to manage it really well with meds.

I've said it before mate if you're wanting to get out the house and grab a coffee or even go a walk with Lola just give me a shout.

As for myself, I visited family and friends in Belfast over the Summer and it was partly great to catch up after not seeing them for so long but COVID and the collective ongoing social and mental trauma of post-Troubles Belfast and the paramilitaries evolving into common gangsters with a real hold on these communities is a total shit show.

Lots of drugs, young make suicides, feud based murders etc... and I'd be lying if it didn't worry me for the first time about my cousin who I'm extremely close to and a bunch of family friends.

On the upside I've now had a full week with the kids back at work so I have a decent approximation of what this year is going to be like. Some good, some not so great but we crack on.
 
It suddenly makes so much sense. All my life I have struggled with jobs, social life, life in general. I have been called lazy, chaotic, disorganised, unreliable, lacking focus and drive, erratic, fidgety, having low-self-confidence etc.

My brother. I blame it for why I can't play. After about three times through a rhythm pattern and I totally lose track of it. Music theory, might as well be Chinese algebra.
 
I’m giving up Gabapentin entirely. I was on it as an anti-anxiety med. But it fucks with my memory; one day recently I couldn’t remember my address. I was in the audience at a convention panel this weekend and realized that I had forgotten the topic halfway through. So I’m going to switch to taking Xanax as needed. Hopefully it’s just the Gabapentin and not a more important medication, or worse, a brain tumor.

I also realized last week that chocolate has enough caffeine to make my hypomanic. I wasn’t sure so I tried taking some right before bed and I was still awake at 12:30am. Fortunately some Xanax put me to sleep.

And I found out that if I take Xanax and my antipsychotic at the same time it makes me blood pressure crash and I can’t stay awake. Nice of the doctor and the pharmacy computer to not catch that.
 
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