Mental health check-in
- Thread starter Flamencology
- Start date
This is kind of me. This month has been non-stop work (yesterday was my first day of not working either at the school or an actually gig in three weeks) and its all fairly high pressure stuff. Plus, Mrs. Wein was laid off and then found a new job in January but the new job is no longer remote and is hugely stressful for her as well so we're really trying to support each other as much as possible without fucking up our own responsibilities. And kids.
bsman
b00b
Funny - I had a pelvic MRI last week that showed two grade 5 prostate lesions and will be getting them biopsied in May but somehow I'm not going over the edge about this. I guess I always expected to get cancer (both parents and my younger brother died from it and my sister had a mild case of breast cancer) so it just isn't really freaking me out. I just wish I could get the biopsy out of the way so we could figure out if/how it makes sense to treat it. I'm going to be traveling to CA and HI over the next few weeks, so I'll probable come home with some supplies that will help me deal with it even better! 
nuke_diver
Riding Solo
Mojo Bob
Lerxst
spaghetti and blankets
so I'll probable come home with some supplies that will help me deal with it even better!
mojo!
Look for nano THC syrups
Mojo!Funny - I had a pelvic MRI last week that showed two grade 5 prostate lesions and will be getting them biopsied in May but somehow I'm not going over the edge about this. I guess I always expected to get cancer (both parents and my younger brother died from it and my sister had a mild case of breast cancer) so it just isn't really freaking me out. I just wish I could get the biopsy out of the way so we could figure out if/how it makes sense to treat it. I'm going to be traveling to CA and HI over the next few weeks, so I'll probable come home with some supplies that will help me deal with it even better!
I'm struggling a little. We just had our giant gala this weekend so the biggest and most stressful day of the year at work seems to be behind me and now I'm on spring break trying to get myself to do my taxes. So many things going on in my life and with my family that need my attention and I just want to sit here in quiet room with the dogs.
Mojo to all.
His Majesty's Inspectorate of Education (literally their real name) are coming in to inspect my work at the start of May.
Tte week of inspection will be fine, we've a lot of good stuff to show off imo. But it's a shit tonne of work pulling evidence and data, having briefings, meeting with senior managers from the authority in the run up to it.
Small waves of anxiety washing through now and again but I'm trying to be pragmatic. I have a couple of huge jobs to get over the line for it, one of which I've almost finished tonight after bursting myself over the weekend WFH. There'll be more to come but I feel OK albeit it means the rest of the day job stuff getting kicked down the line.
His Majesty's Inspectorate of Education (literally their real name) are coming in to inspect my work at the start of May.
Tte week of inspection will be fine, we've a lot of good stuff to show off imo. But it's a shit tonne of work pulling evidence and data, having briefings, meeting with senior managers from the authority in the run up to it.
Small waves of anxiety washing through now and again but I'm trying to be pragmatic. I have a couple of huge jobs to get over the line for it, one of which I've almost finished tonight after bursting myself over the weekend WFH. There'll be more to come but I feel OK albeit it means the rest of the day job stuff getting kicked down the line.
A kid who hasn't batted an eyelid for about 2 years lost it and attacked myself and 2 colleagues which usually isn't an issue except this guy is going on 20 stone in weight, if he lands a shot you're fucked. Thankfully he never landed anything on any of us but it was ropey for a bit.
On the upside, off the back of this inspection one of my main jobs is pulling a tonne of attainment data. I've been keeping on top of it by working last weekend and evenings, today the boss hit me with another list of pulls she needs done for the end of play tomorrow as we finish up for the Easter break. I have classes most of the day tomorrow so asked if I could be covered, she countered by saying I can work from home so I'm not getting distracted (by having to go and deal with 20 stone kids who want to batter you etc...) so that's a nice surprise. I will need to work but it means I can head out to meet a pal I've not seen for a while to do our local pub's quiz tonight.
On the upside, off the back of this inspection one of my main jobs is pulling a tonne of attainment data. I've been keeping on top of it by working last weekend and evenings, today the boss hit me with another list of pulls she needs done for the end of play tomorrow as we finish up for the Easter break. I have classes most of the day tomorrow so asked if I could be covered, she countered by saying I can work from home so I'm not getting distracted (by having to go and deal with 20 stone kids who want to batter you etc...) so that's a nice surprise. I will need to work but it means I can head out to meet a pal I've not seen for a while to do our local pub's quiz tonight.
Peen Simmons
Let’s Get Obtuse!
I’ve been traveling/on the road/on call/driving around in circles a lot for my job since late 2022–and even before then I was doing not a few long stay trips and random overnights and whatnot including during the worst of the pandemic. And since last summer I’ve been clocking a lot of out of town travel.
At any rate, I’m starting to feel my sense of reality delaminating. Like I’m having a hard time remembering where I am and when I am. Everything is going ever so slightly Lynchian.
This week I’m back in KC for the first time in about 10 years and it’s really doing my head in w/r/t unreality and my sense of place. It’s basically blending with other places where I’ve spent a lot of time (because JoCo is a beige non-place that is geography tofu).
At any rate, I’m feeling a little freaked out. Not like a serious break with reality, but we’re definitely in the antechamber of the Chapel Perilous.
I should be done going places for a bit in late May/early June and I’m looking forward to it because I think I need some time to reattach my shadow to the soles of me feet.
At any rate, I’m starting to feel my sense of reality delaminating. Like I’m having a hard time remembering where I am and when I am. Everything is going ever so slightly Lynchian.
This week I’m back in KC for the first time in about 10 years and it’s really doing my head in w/r/t unreality and my sense of place. It’s basically blending with other places where I’ve spent a lot of time (because JoCo is a beige non-place that is geography tofu).
At any rate, I’m feeling a little freaked out. Not like a serious break with reality, but we’re definitely in the antechamber of the Chapel Perilous.
I should be done going places for a bit in late May/early June and I’m looking forward to it because I think I need some time to reattach my shadow to the soles of me feet.
Hope you're feeling better Peen.
2nd week of the school holidays and we're away for the week . Cool place we came to in October - it's basically 3 shipping containers knocked together to make a little flat. Hot tub out the back. beautiful views, quiet site etc... Took Lola a lovely walk in the forrest yesterday so planning more of the same between now and Sunday. Unfortunately it's pissing down today so a lazy day reading and watching game shows.
Got lots done in the garden last week and painted the garage door which was badly needing it too so even though this is a chilled week, I feel like I've been productive. Took me almost 2 months last year to get the garden looking OK-ish given the state it was in when we bought the house so I'm happy where we're at.
2nd week of the school holidays and we're away for the week . Cool place we came to in October - it's basically 3 shipping containers knocked together to make a little flat. Hot tub out the back. beautiful views, quiet site etc... Took Lola a lovely walk in the forrest yesterday so planning more of the same between now and Sunday. Unfortunately it's pissing down today so a lazy day reading and watching game shows.
Got lots done in the garden last week and painted the garage door which was badly needing it too so even though this is a chilled week, I feel like I've been productive. Took me almost 2 months last year to get the garden looking OK-ish given the state it was in when we bought the house so I'm happy where we're at.
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Don’t have anything wise to say, just adding support for everyone here, including myself.
bsman
b00b
I really needed that time away, but planes, trains, and automobiles on one 18-day holiday seemed a lot. I did, however, get to develop my base-layer tan in Kihei and see a lot of our kids and long-time Silicon Valley friends and associates. I do have to say that Amtrak isn't really a five-star way to get to the West Coast. It was interesting but ultimately too long and uncomfortable. However, I heartily recommend first class on Hawaiian Airlines. 
Because antibiotics normally used for prostate biopsies are contraindicated with myasthenia gravis I'm going to have to undergo the delightful procedure known as transperineal biopsy. I'm sure it will be as delightful as its name...
Because antibiotics normally used for prostate biopsies are contraindicated with myasthenia gravis I'm going to have to undergo the delightful procedure known as transperineal biopsy. I'm sure it will be as delightful as its name...
Brian Krashpad
T1N2bM0
Mojo sent. I hope your biopsy has better results than my non-transperineal one did.
I haven't checked in here in ages. I guess the above is the universe telling me to do so.
Anyway, I had a biopsy and had cancer (again-- last time was like a dozen years ago). It had been monitored for a long time and despite meds the PSA kept creeping up.
So on February 27 I had it cut out. Robot-assisted surgery, so no giant scars. But lots of little ones. Seven hours on the table, one scar for each hour, by coincidence.
Physically, about as expected at this point.
Which isn't necessarily a good thing. The not dying of cancer bit is just swell. But highly negative side effects (which I'd just as soon not share) can last to a year or more before it's even known if they've resolved.
And then, they could be permanent. Which means more meds, treatments, surgery, etc., to treat the side effects.
I fucking hate that. Sick to motherfucking death hearing about potentially permanent damage being whitewashed as just a "new normal." It ain't fucking normal goddamn it. I know I should be happy I'm not dead. I'm mainly fucking angry. But throw in frustrated, depressed, and self-loathing for funsies. Going to physical/occupational therapy weekly because I have no fucking choice. On the psych side, to me it's a fucking nightmare. And then I see double amputees in the waiting room and hate myself for being a whiney bitch.
Thank god I have a great wife, and the distraction of a couple bands to play in, and am still working.
Because I'm not handling this all that fucking well, tbh.
Oh, and in other news, also still dealing with the after-effects of the radiation from the first cancer. What's probably a "cholesteatoma" in my left ear (the "bad" side of my head that got the most radiation), a rare non-cancerous tumor that effects hearing. May not have anything to do with the radiation, I don't think they understand the causes of them, generally. Sfaik only treatment is surgery. Teeth are falling apart from the radiation, my "oral medicinist" won't even let me get them cleaned for fear the person working on me could fuck shit up even more. I believe the applicable medical term is "benign neglect" (yeah, that's an actual thing). Although I do a whole routine every night (brushing, flossing, 2 different mouthwashes (one a prescription-only), more brushing, flouride "trays" worn thereafter).
Oh and apparently one rare condition (the ear thing) on the left side wasn't enough, the last oral/head CT ordered by the oral medicinist disclosed something on the right side, which they suspect is a rare condition called (I am not making this up) "silent sinus syndrome" where the orbit around your eye sort of disintegrates and your eye drops accordingly, with accompanying headaches and other fun shit. Sfaik, only treatment, more fucking surgery:
Silent Sinus Syndrome
But hey, I have a great t-shirt collection. So there's that.
Peen Simmons
Let’s Get Obtuse!
bsman
b00b
There's no "I care" heart emoji thing on the "like" bar here. Yeah - I really can't complain because until my 64th year I had absolutely nothing at all to complain about, and that's a pretty good run. And so far, nothing is terminal!
sunvalleylaw
Yep.
Mojo. I have occasionally elevated PSA results that will go up, and then be normal next test. Last test I was 4.2, just over the normal allowed range I guess. Get retested this summer. I don't love the feeling of waiting around though and wish there was a more certain exam short of an MRI or biopsy. hope yours comes out fine.I really needed that time away, but planes, trains, and automobiles on one 18-day holiday seemed a lot. I did, however, get to develop my base-layer tan in Kihei and see a lot of our kids and long-time Silicon Valley friends and associates. I do have to say that Amtrak isn't really a five-star way to get to the West Coast. It was interesting but ultimately too long and uncomfortable. However, I heartily recommend first class on Hawaiian Airlines.
Because antibiotics normally used for prostate biopsies are contraindicated with myasthenia gravis I'm going to have to undergo the delightful procedure known as transperineal biopsy. I'm sure it will be as delightful as its name...
I still have this dysphoric and dystopian feeling going on about the country, and am just letting that settle, and trying to let go of crap I can't control, and also figure out how best to help myself, my family and friends, and community.
Going to re-wire my relationship with retail and various subscription services for sure as part of all this and get on a better savings plan. I have a fair bit set aside for retirement, but not enough as is, I don't think. And was not planning on the economic collapse of the country. Or the possible demise of SSI which I have paid into forever, and hoped to tap in about 5 years. (well, a little over 4 now, and I guess I could accelerate that plan).
Relationships are going well so that is nice. In a good place with my kids, and my significant other, and that relationship is moving forward in a very positive way. So that is good.
Mojo and love to all of us!
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