This is kind of me. This month has been non-stop work (yesterday was my first day of not working either at the school or an actually gig in three weeks) and its all fairly high pressure stuff. Plus, Mrs. Wein was laid off and then found a new job in January but the new job is no longer remote and is hugely stressful for her as well so we're really trying to support each other as much as possible without fucking up our own responsibilities. And kids.I had my one on one with my boss last Thursday.
He asked how I was doing and when I described things, he said, “That’s burn-out.”
The thing is that it’s not a full-on, all the time thing. It comes and goes.
Being networking nerds, he described it as “dropping packets” and that’s so damned accurate.
I didn’t see it. I realised I’d hit a wall once in a while, but didn’t think more of it than that.
Anyway, all is well at work. Good performance review.
Busier than ever though.
I need to push away some home projects or pick up an easy one that lets my brain shut down while I’m doing it.
so I'll probable come home with some supplies that will help me deal with it even better!![]()
Mojo!Funny - I had a pelvic MRI last week that showed two grade 5 prostate lesions and will be getting them biopsied in May but somehow I'm not going over the edge about this. I guess I always expected to get cancer (both parents and my younger brother died from it and my sister had a mild case of breast cancer) so it just isn't really freaking me out. I just wish I could get the biopsy out of the way so we could figure out if/how it makes sense to treat it. I'm going to be traveling to CA and HI over the next few weeks, so I'll probable come home with some supplies that will help me deal with it even better!![]()
Mojo sent. I hope your biopsy has better results than my non-transperineal one did....
Because antibiotics normally used for prostate biopsies are contraindicated with myasthenia gravis I'm going to have to undergo the delightful procedure known as transperineal biopsy. I'm sure it will be as delightful as its name...
Hope you're feeling better Peen.
There's no "I care" heart emoji thing on the "like" bar here. Yeah - I really can't complain because until my 64th year I had absolutely nothing at all to complain about, and that's a pretty good run. And so far, nothing is terminal!Mojo sent. I hope your biopsy has better results than my non-transperineal one did.
I haven't checked in here in ages. I guess the above is the universe telling me to do so.
Anyway, I had a biopsy and had cancer (again-- last time was like a dozen years ago). It had been monitored for a long time and despite meds the PSA kept creeping up.
So on February 27 I had it cut out. Robot-assisted surgery, so no giant scars. But lots of little ones. Seven hours on the table, one scar for each hour, by coincidence.
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Physically, about as expected at this point.
Which isn't necessarily a good thing. The not dying of cancer bit is just swell. But highly negative side effects (which I'd just as soon not share) can last to a year or more before it's even known if they've resolved.
And then, they could be permanent. Which means more meds, treatments, surgery, etc., to treat the side effects.
I fucking hate that. Sick to motherfucking death hearing about potentially permanent damage being whitewashed as just a "new normal." It ain't fucking normal goddamn it. I know I should be happy I'm not dead. I'm mainly fucking angry. But throw in frustrated, depressed, and self-loathing for funsies. Going to physical/occupational therapy weekly because I have no fucking choice. On the psych side, to me it's a fucking nightmare. And then I see double amputees in the waiting room and hate myself for being a whiney bitch.
Thank god I have a great wife, and the distraction of a couple bands to play in, and am still working.
Because I'm not handling this all that fucking well, tbh.
Oh, and in other news, also still dealing with the after-effects of the radiation from the first cancer. What's probably a "cholesteatoma" in my left ear (the "bad" side of my head that got the most radiation), a rare non-cancerous tumor that effects hearing. May not have anything to do with the radiation, I don't think they understand the causes of them, generally. Sfaik only treatment is surgery. Teeth are falling apart from the radiation, my "oral medicinist" won't even let me get them cleaned for fear the person working on me could fuck shit up even more. I believe the applicable medical term is "benign neglect" (yeah, that's an actual thing). Although I do a whole routine every night (brushing, flossing, 2 different mouthwashes (one a prescription-only), more brushing, flouride "trays" worn thereafter).
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Oh and apparently one rare condition (the ear thing) on the left side wasn't enough, the last oral/head CT ordered by the oral medicinist disclosed something on the right side, which they suspect is a rare condition called (I am not making this up) "silent sinus syndrome" where the orbit around your eye sort of disintegrates and your eye drops accordingly, with accompanying headaches and other fun shit. Sfaik, only treatment, more fucking surgery:
Silent Sinus Syndrome
But hey, I have a great t-shirt collection. So there's that.
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Mojo. I have occasionally elevated PSA results that will go up, and then be normal next test. Last test I was 4.2, just over the normal allowed range I guess. Get retested this summer. I don't love the feeling of waiting around though and wish there was a more certain exam short of an MRI or biopsy. hope yours comes out fine.I really needed that time away, but planes, trains, and automobiles on one 18-day holiday seemed a lot. I did, however, get to develop my base-layer tan in Kihei and see a lot of our kids and long-time Silicon Valley friends and associates. I do have to say that Amtrak isn't really a five-star way to get to the West Coast. It was interesting but ultimately too long and uncomfortable. However, I heartily recommend first class on Hawaiian Airlines.
Because antibiotics normally used for prostate biopsies are contraindicated with myasthenia gravis I'm going to have to undergo the delightful procedure known as transperineal biopsy. I'm sure it will be as delightful as its name...