Mental health check-in

I'm kind of down about some things in my past that I really can't discuss here. It's more about the woulda, shoulda, coulda aspects of life. The torture of lamentations of the past.
 
I'm kind of down about some things in my past that I really can't discuss here. It's more about the woulda, shoulda, coulda aspects of life. The torture of lamentations of the past.
It is always difficult to condense a decade's worth of work in therapy into a couple of sentences without sounding glib and condescending, but I finally accepted that I cannot change the past so there is no sense beating myself up over it. After years of work I have learned to make today the best that I can so hopefully tomorrow will be better. It is easy to say but took a lot of work and medication to achieve. I will keep you in my thoughts.
 
I took a walk today and saw this turkey vulture flipping me off. Somehow seems appropriate for this thread...

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For what's it's worth, some of the best advice I ever got was this:
Forgiveness is given for the sake of the forgiver, not the forgiven. Forgiveness is giving up the search for a better past.
That includes forgiving yourself.

I’ve reread this more times than I can count tonight.
 
Continued mojo to everyone. I have family stuff going. I don’t really feel like going into details. Stuff that makes me sad and makes me wonder if our marriage will survive, though we are working on it and both of us are trying. I am not going anywhere, but not sure my wife is super sure about that.

Anyway, mojo to the rest of you going through stuff.
 
I haven't checked into this thread in a while.
Mojo to you guys that are going through a rough patch.

My little problem is I have been trying for 5 months to buy a place where I can retire.
I have put in offers on over a dozen houses,and still nothing.
It is starting to wear on me. I am constantly reviewing my plan.
Thinking of changing the area I want to move to.

It is really getting old. I just know Oklahoma isn't for me.
It is fine for the year I plan on being here,but halfway through, and I don't have an new spot yet.
Oh well.
 
I haven't checked into this thread in a while.
Mojo to you guys that are going through a rough patch.

My little problem is I have been trying for 5 months to buy a place where I can retire.
I have put in offers on over a dozen houses,and still nothing.
It is starting to wear on me. I am constantly reviewing my plan.
Thinking of changing the area I want to move to.

It is really getting old. I just know Oklahoma isn't for me.
It is fine for the year I plan on being here,but halfway through, and I don't have an new spot yet.
Oh well.

Where are you looking? We want to move back to Wisconsin, but won't start looking in earnest until things start opening back up.
 
Where are you looking? We want to move back to Wisconsin, but won't start looking in earnest until things start opening back up.
I'm still looking in Arizona.
Every time I find a house I want it gets bought from under me
 
jp_nyc said:
Over the top anxiety this morning. Trying to rein it in with tranquilizers.


^What he said.

So on Wednesday I got bored. I've had a goatee or whatever you call a moustache + chin beard for like 5 years, and it's pretty much fecking white, and together with no haircut in a year I looked like a damn reject from Duck Dynasty.

Now, I have no problem with such facial hair as a general proposition, but as an old school punk rocker, facial hair was pretty much for hippies, and to my subconscious mind that's what always is brought to mind on me having any. But after my neck and left-side jawline got all disfigured from surgery 5 years ago, I figured that a goatee would draw the eye away from the fact that like half my face is caved in. So that's why it's there.

Or it was there. Being bored, I shaved it.

HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE.

Although, yes it had been drawing the eye away from the caved-in lower jawline, it had also been hiding other disfigurements. Ones that have gotten decidedly worse in the last five years. First, my jaw has gotten more and more misaligned over time, as I'm pretty sure the hinge on the left side is no longer properly attached. So now my mouth is crazy crooked, and the beard helped hide that.

But wait, there's more.

Also, just under my lower lip, but only on one side (oddly, the right side), the flesh has gotten all blown up, so it looks like I got a chaw in there under my lip, or I got the hives, or something. Plus, further down, on the left side of my chin, it's got this weird mottled lumpy appearance. Like when people get bad collagen implants and they migrate.

All of that had been covered or at least minimized by the facial hair. Depressing as fuck to want/need to wince, or cry, or both, every time you walk past a mirror. I guess I should be glad there's a huge box of delivery beer out in the garage. Because I've been hitting it pretty hard for the past couple days. Just overwhelming depression and not wanting to do anything. About something stupid that I can't control. But of course, it's that very lack of control that makes it so fucking depressing.

Beard regrowth in progress, but it'll take weeks before it begins to partially hide all this hideous shit again. Good thing I never leave the house.

I guess.
 
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