A thank you and an update...

jelloman

jelloman

Couch'd Tater...
Hi gang...:Wave:

Let me start this by just saying thank you to all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes after mom died...it was greatly appreciated...

I want to say a special thank you to @Help!I'maRock! ... thanks for the texts Howie...they meant a lot to me...

We had a reception/viewing/wake Tuesday at the funeral home...they estimated about 250 to 300 people came through the two 2 hour sessions...there were a lot of sad people that day...We cut it kinda close because we didn't anticipate the complications involved in getting her out of NYC...

The funeral was yesterday...I gave the eulogy for the 5 of us, and my Niece Wendy, mom's oldest grandchild, spoke for the 9 grandchildren (not counting spouses) and 13 great-grandchildren...we put her next to her parents, under a fir tree...

My sister and I will be opening the will and starting that unpleasantness on Tuesday...we don't know for sure, she was on medicare with supplemental AARP insurance, but we fear an avalanche of medical bills...we're planning on selling her Subaru Forester (hasn't even had it's first service yet) to help offset expenses...but we are both very proud of the estate she is leaving...she did very well for herself, and she took good care of all of us...but there's a mountain of her stuff to deal with...

Everybody keeps telling me not to make any big decisions for awhile...but there are some things I have already faced up to...

I'm going to have to sell the house...there's no way I can afford to keep it alone, and it's just plain and simply too big for one person...

I'm going to get out of my car...the 300.00 payments and 1k per year insurance it's costing me will be more useful other places...plus I still have my truck, which is paid for and will be quite useful over the next several months...

It's not fair to the cats to keep them here now that she's gone...her Butch is an 18 pound spoiled baby who needs almost constant attention, which he will not be getting from me as I work a 5 and 6 day week and have a ton of other things to do...I haven't decided where they will end up yet, I have some time...

I haven't wanted to think about it, but I am going to proceed with my surgery next month...it's not going to be as easy without her help, but my sisters have vowed to help out with it...

I'm getting kind of tired of people asking me how I'm doing...I'm doing...that's all I got...

Thanks...
 
BTW...this is the eulogy I wrote for her (third draft)...if you care...

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength

They shall mount up with wings of eagles

They shall run and not be weary

They shall walk and not be faint

Isaiah 40:31

I wrote a whole speech for this a couple days ago…but I threw it out…

I tried to sum up my mother’s life with words, but the words just didn’t get it done…I would need the mind of Shakespeare to formulate words adequate enough to do justice to the life of this woman…and I don’t come close to Shakespeare…

Over the past days many people have told me how great my mom was, and how much they loved her, and how much they were going to miss her…you accept those words graciously and thankfully, but in your mind you are shouting “you don’t know the half of it”…

…words don’t come close…

Yet here I stand, having tasked myself with the role of speaking for 5 children, grown into adulthood, who just miss their mom…

We miss her smile, we miss her laugh, we miss the sound of her voice…

We miss her cooking…

We know, in our minds, that hers was not always an easy life…but we are lucky…lucky, because all we have in our hearts right now are memories of happy times and unconditional love…

We’ve spent a lot of time these past few days remembering some of those times…all of us gathered around the dinner table every night…the food…the laughter…

…the brussel sprouts…

You know, I still stir my soup with the wooden spoon that got a lot shorter after she broke it across my backside…I think it was over the brussel sprouts…it wasn’t until years later that she had the nerve to admit that she hated them too…

---Right now my brother Steve is saying “But I loved her brussel sprouts”…good for you Steve…you always were a little odd…

We remember the way our house seemed so big even with 2 adults and 5 kids packed into a 3 bedroom ranch…we remember those same seven people crammed into a 4 door driving to Asbury Park or Lake George every summer for our family vacation…”are we there yet? How come Sheila gets to sit in the front?”…

We remember holding her hand and marveling at the stub of her missing finger…she lost it when she was 3 years old…she got it stuck in a mower her father was working on…he told me once how she never cried when it happened…and we remember how much she missed her brother Albert, who died when she was 17...

We remember the courage she showed when her marriage to our father fell apart…and we remember the resolve she showed when she was forced to start a career at an age when some people are starting to look ahead to retirement…

We remember the pain we caused her as we all stumbled our way to adulthood…and we remember the forgiveness…and the pride she showed when we succeeded…

We remember the way she cared for her parents in their later years…and we wish she had asked us for help more than she did…we remember her stubbornness, and her dignity in the face of the worst indignities life has to offer…

We remember her faith and devotion to God and Jesus Christ…and we remember the way that it never wavered in the face of all the challenges that life placed in front of her…

We remember the things she created with her hands…the clothes, the quilts, the hundreds of items which are now priceless reminders of the time she took to give a piece of herself to all of us…

We remember a legacy, and an example that may be impossible to live up to…but we resolve to try, every day, to come as close as we can…we have to…to honor her life with ours…

And we remember her love…

We remember her love for us and our spouses…and her acceptance of the one who just would not leave…and we remember her support when things didn’t work out the way we planned…

We remember the joy she found in the birth of each and every grandchild…and we remember the pride as those grandchildren grew up and started families of their own…and we remember the joy that doubled again with the birth of each and every great grandchild…

---Guys, I hope you know just how much she loved each and every one of you…I hope you know how proud she was of the people you have become, and of the people you are going to become…

We remember her love for her friends…and the pride we feel when we see just how many people her life has touched in some way…but we remember her love for one person in particular…

---Dorla, she loved you so much…we are so glad she had you for a friend…and we are very sorry for your loss…I hope we all have a friend like you in our lives…I know I do…

But all of these memories cannot erase the pain we feel right now…the pain that comes with having to say goodbye…but we take comfort in knowing that it is those memories that will see us through to the day when the pain is gone…and all we will remember is her love…and the lessons that her love taught us…and the happiness that her love gave us…

Goodbye Mom…we love you…we miss you…

And we remember…
Click to expand...
 
That was very lovely Jelloman

I couldn't think of what to say at my mom's memorial and kind of regret not saying something but after my brother gave the eulogy well there was nothing else to say. I think yours is similar.

All the best in these tough days
 
Keep hanging in, and feel free to call me if you want. I think you still have the number; if not, send me a message and I'll give it to you.
 
Keep hanging in there. You probably know I had to go through some major changes after Joanne died. I knew I couldn't keep the house. I knew I couldn't keep the dogs since I didn't even know where I would be living. I was out there with no family close by for assistance but I hung in there. One thing I found out is that by doing some footwork, things can and will change for the better. I know it will for you too. Hit me up if you need to talk.
 
Beautiful eulogy, David.

Otherwise, take your time. It's a blessing to have your sisters to help share the work, but please keep in mind to take time for yourself. This work can be stressful, but if you take a bit of time each day to step back and take a breather, it will all get done.

Continued mojo.
 
Mojo.

The only advise I can give is make sure you take care of yourself. Take time out from all the stress if you have too.
The paperwork will still be there when you come back.
 
@jelloman - Brother David, give me a call if you need someone to talk to. It has been 3 years my mother passed and if you have questions on what I went through, don't hesitate to ask.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top