Mojo Request Sister has passed on.

As of today, Saturday August 4th, she is still "here" in the sense that she is still breathing on her own. She's at day 3 going on 4 without any sort of treatment or nutrition or other life prolonging aid. Just a steady Morphine drip and a glucose I.V.

She hasn't spoken or been at all awake for a few days now. She occasionally stirs a bit, but it's mostly reflex.

Honestly, none of us including medical staff thought she would last more than a day once we switched her to Hospice/comfort only care. It's been pretty tough on her husband and her adult kids and her grandchildren. A lot of very drained, very exhausted folks just staggering in and out like zombies at this point. Emotions are pretty high, old grudges and stupid family dysfunction are bubbling through with increased frequency. I stay as far from that shit as I can, but I did lay down the fuckin' law the other night by reminding the drama darlings that this is NOT about them, and I fucking expect far better for my sister while she transitions from this world. Of course, that just makes me the asshole, but that's ok. Better they focus that shit at me than to have it running amok. I couldn't care less. My only concern is with my sister having peace in her final days.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.
 
Continued strength through this difficult time.


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OGG said:
They really are. It takes a combination of strength and compassion that seems impossible. Really amazing people.
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Through my work I talk to a lot of hospice staff and carers on a daily basis. I could NEVER do physically and more importantly mentally do what they do day in day out.
 
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My wife is an end of life caregiver. There have been several times she was called upon to help friends or the older parents of friends. That adds a whole other level of "no fucking way could I do that!" to it.

I really don't know how she does it to be honest, but it's likely the only reason she hasn't either divorced me or put me through a wood chipper.

I've gotten to a point where losing loved ones is much more manageable, I suppose it's a matter of being desensitized to a degree, but care givers can't have such a luxury. They must "care" first and foremost. Serious strength of character there.
 
OGG said:
My wife is an end of life caregiver. There have been several times she was called upon to help friends or the older parents of friends. That adds a whole other level of "no fucking way could I do that!" to it.

I really don't know how she does it to be honest, but it's likely the only reason she hasn't either divorced me or put me through a wood chipper.

I've gotten to a point where losing loved ones is much more manageable, I suppose it's a matter of being desensitized to a degree, but care givers can't have such a luxury. They must "care" first and foremost. Serious strength of character there.
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My wife's first job out of nursing school was being a charge nurse over 80 beds in a Deleware retirement home. Over the last 15 years, she has worked in a doctor's clinic that mostly caters to the elderly. She gets very close to her patients. Everywhere we go, she runs into one and it is all hugs and adoration. Patient's families like the extensive care she gives from her heart. She has saved countless patients and is devastated when one is lost.

These women are truly angels among us.
 
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OGG said:
My wife is an end of life caregiver. There have been several times she was called upon to help friends or the older parents of friends. That adds a whole other level of "no fucking way could I do that!" to it.

I really don't know how she does it to be honest, but it's likely the only reason she hasn't either divorced me or put me through a wood chipper.

I've gotten to a point where losing loved ones is much more manageable, I suppose it's a matter of being desensitized to a degree, but care givers can't have such a luxury. They must "care" first and foremost. Serious strength of character there.
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I don't think I could do what your wife does either. For you, my only suggestion is take care of yourself, and engage in "loving detachment" and let go of all the things beyond your control. Take care, Rod.
 
Thank you again to all of you for the kind words, mojo, and support.

Debbie passed away at 8:55 PM Monday, August 6th.

I spent the night last night (Sunday) in her room with her. Not the easiest thing I've ever done, but I'm so grateful I had that opportunity. I was awake all night. Her oldest son came in at about 4AM and we hung out for several hours before I went home to rest.

My wife and I went this evening to see her, got there at 9:embarrassed:8. Walked in to find her not breathing. No one was there. Needless to say, that was pretty rough. I made a few phone calls, stayed with her for about two hours, and finally decided it was time to let her go.

Til we meet again big sis. I'll miss you.
 
So sorry to hear. Good to hear you had the opportunity to spend those last hours with her. I'm sure she felt your love.
 
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Very sorry for your loss. It's so important to take care of each other, please give your wife a hug and "thank you" for the job she does.
 
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