My "Top Gun: Maverick" internal monologue review:
Ooo, nice bit of carrier footage...
Oh okay, got it. Things X, Y, and Z are going to happen and character ______ is going to die.
Hmm, you know, that's not a thing that would ever happen under any circumstances ever, ever, ever. That's not how that works. That's not how any of that works at all. (repeat that thought on an endless loop for the next 131 minutes)
Nice to see they've dialed up the homoerotic subtext since it was far too subtle in the original film.
Jennifer Connelly, Jon Hamm, Ed Harris, and basically everyone else are completely wasted.
The dialogue is embarrassing.
The script is 85% "Star Wars: A New Hope."
The movie's plausibility would have been completely unaffected by the sudden appearance of Spiderman or the Easter Bunny.
Its wild success comes as absolutely no surprise. You're welcome.