Bagels will do that to you if you live in a dry climate. My kid takes dumps the size of my forearm that require a poop knife (or if I’m really unlucky, an auger)
This weekend I went to an indoor soccer game in Baltimore. They apparently had and automated text-to-speech/closed-captioning system that was supposed to put the announcer's comments on the scoreboard. It didn't work very well and had me laughing throughout the game. Here are a few samples.