James Franciscus
Kick Henry Jackassowski
I've never done music retail. A friend asked me to fill in for a couple of days helping out at the coolest music store in the LA area. This is what I learned:
Guitar stores prey on people who should be in therapy three days a week. I sold a bunch of stuff to people who were terrible players who just had to have that Les Paul, that Relic'd Strat, and that boutique stomp box that's cooler than anything in the whole world.
It was really kind of sickening after a while. They're dropping tons of cash on stuff that will end up in their closet. They already have fourteen guitars and they suck on those guitars just like they suck on the new one I just sold him. I was talking to a customer and his mind completely left our conversation when he over heard someone talking about custom PAFs. As if that's important. Guitar ADD. He can't even play a chord in tune and he's concerned with up grading a Les Paul he hasn't even taken home yet.
These compulsive types are obviously buying all this crap to avoid whatever crappy reality they're living. It's sad and fucked up. You rarely see people in the store who actually use this stuff as tools. Real musicians get what they need and use it. They don't just keep buying more and more stuff until they're broke and homeless.
Then there's the 60-something blues expert guy with good chops who drags his wife/girl friend in and starts lecturing about how the '69 Gibson SG was a major departure from '68 Gibson SG because of the change in paint, materials, and the pick guard. Me and the other salesmen are like, "Dude. Just shut the fuck up and write a damn song."
Meanwhile, his wife/girl friend is tolerating these lectures and wishes she could just put a gun in her mouth and go to a happy place. For the most part, women don't care about any of this shit. They may like music, but they could give two shits about how it's made. They like songs. Fuck noodling.
Then there are the women. Women get a lot of crap in the guitar world and rightly so. While the women I've interviewed for VG and my show are in the top 1% of sheer badass virtuosity, 99.9% of the women who walk in a guitar store have no clue about anything guitar related. And if they do they play like meek little girls who gingerly play the guitar like they're afraid they're going to hurt it's feelings. That's where the "Plays like a girl" thing comes from. Female guitar virtuosos hate when they hear that, but it's real, and they only have themselves to blame. Most women play like girls.
I filled in at a great store but I could see women like this going into GC and getting taken advantage of by douche-masters selling crap they don't need, or crap their boyfriend won't like. Not everybody can be a guitar player and that's ok.
Full disclosure. I went through a compulsive phase myself many years ago. That's how I know gear is evil and the whole industry is a racket. The universe will not support 87 flavors of fuzz pedals.
Guitar stores prey on people who should be in therapy three days a week. I sold a bunch of stuff to people who were terrible players who just had to have that Les Paul, that Relic'd Strat, and that boutique stomp box that's cooler than anything in the whole world.
It was really kind of sickening after a while. They're dropping tons of cash on stuff that will end up in their closet. They already have fourteen guitars and they suck on those guitars just like they suck on the new one I just sold him. I was talking to a customer and his mind completely left our conversation when he over heard someone talking about custom PAFs. As if that's important. Guitar ADD. He can't even play a chord in tune and he's concerned with up grading a Les Paul he hasn't even taken home yet.
These compulsive types are obviously buying all this crap to avoid whatever crappy reality they're living. It's sad and fucked up. You rarely see people in the store who actually use this stuff as tools. Real musicians get what they need and use it. They don't just keep buying more and more stuff until they're broke and homeless.
Then there's the 60-something blues expert guy with good chops who drags his wife/girl friend in and starts lecturing about how the '69 Gibson SG was a major departure from '68 Gibson SG because of the change in paint, materials, and the pick guard. Me and the other salesmen are like, "Dude. Just shut the fuck up and write a damn song."
Meanwhile, his wife/girl friend is tolerating these lectures and wishes she could just put a gun in her mouth and go to a happy place. For the most part, women don't care about any of this shit. They may like music, but they could give two shits about how it's made. They like songs. Fuck noodling.
Then there are the women. Women get a lot of crap in the guitar world and rightly so. While the women I've interviewed for VG and my show are in the top 1% of sheer badass virtuosity, 99.9% of the women who walk in a guitar store have no clue about anything guitar related. And if they do they play like meek little girls who gingerly play the guitar like they're afraid they're going to hurt it's feelings. That's where the "Plays like a girl" thing comes from. Female guitar virtuosos hate when they hear that, but it's real, and they only have themselves to blame. Most women play like girls.
I filled in at a great store but I could see women like this going into GC and getting taken advantage of by douche-masters selling crap they don't need, or crap their boyfriend won't like. Not everybody can be a guitar player and that's ok.
Full disclosure. I went through a compulsive phase myself many years ago. That's how I know gear is evil and the whole industry is a racket. The universe will not support 87 flavors of fuzz pedals.
