The Never Ending Pun Thread

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Did you just call me a pussy? Don't make me go Fred Durst and get my dog ass breath up in your face. Fetch this pal(paws crotch).

Now you are calling me a son of a bitch? We will file that under no shit. Did you not see me humping that ladies leg during the last guitar solo? Hey Sherlock, the tail?
This is a ruff crowd.

And here's a warning folks. The words bitches and pussy are normal terms in a dogs world. Then again, we lick our butts. Anyone have a Tic Tac?

It looks pretty dog eat dog down in the pit. Where is Officer McRruff? Chasing the mailman? Its midnight. Is he backstage banging that poodle again?

This next song is a tad meloncollie. Tits like melons, and a face like a Collie. (Old joke).

Here's something off my new album. It's called "Dog License To Rock". Nevermind. I will take a request. Nazareth, Hair Of The Dog? That works.

No sir, I will not play Cat Scratch Fever. What's that? How many Snausages will you give me?
"She give me cat scratch fever, ba ba ba, cat scratch fever, da da da. Well the first time that I got it I was just ten years old, I got it from some pussy next store"

Okay bitches, one more request. Thin Lizzy, Thunder And Lightning? That's not a pun, but okay. It is their song that kicks the most ass. Also to join me in playing that tune is JOHN SYKES and GARY MOORE(RIP)!!!! Sorry Scott Gorham. Have you heard of Four Dog Night? Neither have I. Besides, it's already too much of a Snausage fest up here. That pun was brought to you by the good folks at Snausage. It keeps your teeth clean and tail wagging. And the ladies will like it too! "like thunder, and lightning, dog gone it's so exciting!"

Drive safe folks. It's raining cats and dogs out there. If you find yourself hungover in the morning, be sure and bite the dog that bit you. Unless that dog was a pitbull. In which case, you are boned. And not the kind they bring you home in a doggy bag.

Did I miss the gravy train on the guitar shredding canine?

When is the next Greyhound bus?
 

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I thought the Guitar playing dog was a fresh take. I guess I still posted it in the same decade it was started. New guy.
 
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeeper says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think; therefore, I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
 
GomezAddams said:
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeeper says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think; therefore, I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Click to expand...

Right on!


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GomezAddams said:
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeeper says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think; therefore, I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Click to expand...

joke falls apart with "I don't think I am" which is not the opposite of "I think, therefore I am." The opposite would be "I don't think, therefore I am not" which is ridiculous because you have to think to even say it.

See the joke is really about beating a dead horse.
 
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