The Never Ending Pun Thread

dodgechargerfan said:
This never-ending thread seems to have pawsed.

Let’s get it going again and open it up to a wider range of punny topics.

I’ll start.

A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims.

At this point, you must understand two things:

  1. There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.
  2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.
It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes.

Once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews. After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."

So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble. Katims was furious! And why not? After all...









It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded.
Click to expand...
:facepalm:
 
dodgechargerfan said:
This never-ending thread seems to have pawsed.

Let’s get it going again and open it up to a wider range of punny topics.

I’ll start.

A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims.

At this point, you must understand two things:

  1. There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.
  2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.
It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes.

Once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews. After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."

So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble. Katims was furious! And why not? After all...









It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded.
Click to expand...
Nicely played.
 
I was talking to a guy with no hands about music the other day. He wanted to tell me the name of this supposedly great band he thought I'd like but he was having trouble recalling the name. I said it was no big deal, and not to worry about it, but he insisted. He said "it's on the tip of my tongue, I just can't quite put a finger on it".

Gotta hand it to the guy for trying.
 
Sitting here at work after listening to my temp supervisor complaining that the permanent replacement guard we are receiving from another post is unhygenic and ugly, he hates him. This guy has the worst teeth you have ever seen in person, all dark brown stained from nicotine, at least the few that are left, so I'm not happy, but we are so short handed lately there is no choice but to gladly accept him into our ranks.

I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.
 
5C40F3B8-80DF-4A86-8CE7-BECB7D52EDCD.jpeg
 
Not a pun, but this is a joke I actually just heard someone yell at the bar I’m at...

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poke ‘er face

Fucking dad joke bar.
 
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