The Dirt Industrial Complex

Help!I'maRock!

Mediocringly Derivative
This is awesome.

http://www.thegearpage.net/board/showthread.php?t=1548053

The Dirt Industrial Complex is a conspiracy funded by TGP's owners. These "small" "boutique" builders all just make their s&*% in China, and most are -- as we already know -- virtually the same circuit. But production has been centralized. All current Klons and klones are made in the same factory outside of Shenzhen. Most of the various fuzz clones are made there too. Including Trombetta, D*A*M, Basic Audio, Analogman, etc.

This is the new capitalist conspiracy -- they know that mass production means we -- the sheeple -- yearn for the authentic, the real, the new. So it's important to sell us the lie we want to hear.

TGP is behind it all. Owned by weathy Chinese Communist party bigwigs. If there weren't so many dirt pedals, TGP would simply have no reason to exist. So you have to look backwards ... who is profiting here?

Yes, there are occasional discussions (if you can call them that) about modulation effects, but I have done an analysis of those threads that proves that they are almost entirely written by computer programs (which is why the "Eventide vs. Strymon" and "Strymon Sucks" and "let's debate [digital or analog or analog vs. digital] delay pedals once again for the millionth time" threads come up with PREDICTABLE regularity).

Rigging up all the cyborg pedal builder robots (and programming their "personalities," plus grooming their middle aged dude attempting quasi-hipster facial hair, making sure the bad fashion, wrinkles, balding patterns and tooth decay is authentic, etc.) takes a lot of work pre-NAMM. But if you ask any of these robots 10 questions in a row about NOS transistors (simply asking about increasingly obscure unobtanium varieties) you'll see the smoke come out of their ears and then someone has to take them away for a reboot. What's worse is this is all a Chinese Communist party plot but I already hear someone knocking at my door, I better go.

You don't even WANT to KNOW about what the frequencies put out by these new fuzz pedals can do to your brain. With just one flip of a switch in Beijing, they could get all you blooze lawyers playing Miley Cyrus just like THAT. One fateful Sunday morning, they'll flip a switch and have all you P&W bros playing the Chinese national anthem in churches from sea to shining sea.

Don't think it's not gonna happen. Be careful, trust NO ONE. STAY AWAY FROM DIRT IF YOU WANT TO AVOID MIND CONTROL.
 
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