smurfco's adventures in finding a new band - chapter 2

smurfco

smurfco

Meatus McPrepuce
So I met up with these guys last night in a town that's about a half hour's train ride north of me. As many of you know, I'm partially blind and have very little peripheral vision. On the way to the train, with my Ric bass strapped to my back, I walked full speed into a fucking fire hydrant I didn't see and hit it ankle first. Holy fuck, did that hurt. I had to sit down on the sidewalk for a couple of minutes before I could even walk again. It still hurts.

Had I known what was in store for me with this band, I probably would have just called it a night at this point and gone back home. But I didn't know then what I am so painfully aware of now, and I trudged on and boarded the train. Usually the trains up here are pretty decent but I guess I was on a streak of bad luck because the one I was on stunk like a rancid butthole and was filled with degenerates and scumbags. I kept a very close eye on my Ric.

So I show up at their rehearsal space, and - like the other band I tried out with a few weeks ago - everyone was really nice. That's why I'm making this as anonymous as possible; I don't mean to rip on these guys because they were very gracious and welcoming and all of that stuff.

But Jesus tapdancing Christ on a hotplate, what a nightmare.

First off, since I can't drive, a few days before we met up I e-mailed and said "I do have a bass amp, and I could bring it with me on a hand truck on the train, but it'd really help me out if there's already one at the space I could borrow. If not I'll bring mine, but I figured I'd ask." They said "Yeah, we've got one, you're free to use it!" Cool, that helps.

So I get there and I'm like "where should I set up?" The guy points to the corner and is like "over there by the bass rig." That's when I notice my rig for the night. It's one of these:

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I guess I look at it kind of cross-eyed because the guitarist is like "hey don't worry, we can take the headphone out and run it through the PA!"

...which is one of these:

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Now I'm not one to begrudge anyone on gear, but their guitarist was playing through a Fender Deville 4x10 and their drummer was playing a real kit (i.e. not electric) so there was no way I was going to be able to hear myself, let alone sound any good. But whatever, I can deal with that. It's just bass after all.

So we're just about done setting up and the singer walks in. He looks like a cross between Howie Mandel and sickle cell anemia. He prances around the rehearsal space (which is basically a rec room at a Boys and Girls Club) the entire time we play, performing to some unknown audience that only he can see. None of this would have mattered much, of course, if he could sing. But he couldn't. At all. He didn't play an instrument, either - he was just "the singer". Now I do not know who along the lines told this guy he should be a lead singer in a band, but whoever it was should be in jail.

The drummer wasn't bad but he played very lazy beats and didn't really know the songs. Same for the guitarist - decent but not great, but didn't really know the songs. He was like "we do everything in fours and eights" meaning if there's a solo you keep counting to eight until it's time for the solo to end. Instead of, you know, actually knowing when the solo should start and end.

So we play "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" for about an hour and a half. Or it felt like that at least. They were like "we kind of put a wild twist on this, it's not really Dylan and it's not really GNR." It also wasn't really any good, especially since they never once went to the Am chord (the entire song is not C, G, F). We went through similar interpretations of Brown Eyed Girl, Keep On Rockin' In The Free World, Should I Stay Or Should I Go, and others.

Now the part that blows my mind is that these guys, unless they were just totally full of shit, which wasn't the vibe I got - these guys had been playing out every other weekend before their old bassist quit or died of shame or whatever. I know I sound like a huge egocentric prick here, but... these guys should not be playing in public. I'm not Jaco Pastorius or anything but at least I can learn a goddamn song correctly and play it from start to finish. Is that so much to ask of a band?

Anyways the evening finishes up and I say I have a couple other irons in the fire, and that I'm not sure how easy it'd be for me to get to and from their town on a regular basis (practice finished at 11, I wasn't home until 12:15, and it was a school night). And again, they were all very nice dudes. But come the fuck on, where are all the actual decent bands / musicians around here? I thought my cover band in Atlanta was bad but we were eons better than this!

Rant over.
 
It was a good read--would read again. :)
Sounds like a no-go for this band. Don't give up. Better luck next time.
 
With my condition, I walk into a lot of things. You get used to it, and most of the things I walk into - tree branches, signposts, etc - have a little bit of give to them.

But a fire hydrant doesn't fucking move. Not one millimeter. Damn that hurt.
 
Just remember, in a few years, you will laugh about it. I had this one audition that was hilarious now. I was auditioning for bass. So I get there and the first thing I notice is that they are playing in some odd tuning. So I ask them what they are tuned to (so I can get an idea of what is going on) and neither of them know, one says open G dropped to F, one says something about C# and they proceeded to argue about the tuning for 10 minutes. Once we finally got to jamming, I realized they were tuned completely different. I get my gear hooked up and we spend 30 to 40 minutes discussing the band name and I have yet to hear a single song. I think I was there for an hour and a half and we played maybe 3 songs. I had an email from them before I got home asking if I wanted to come back the next day. Luckily, I had another audition a few days later that ended with me being in a really cool band for about 4 years.
 
Haha, I'm laughing about it now. I hope I didn't sound too dour. It was annoying but all I lost was some ankle pain and another night of watching The Simpsons. I'm really not upset - I'm more bemused than anything.

Chad, that story sounds disturbingly familiar. Anyone else has any funny / scary band audition stories share them here. Hell I think I'll start a thread just for that.
 
I had a buddy who was blind in one eye. When we'd hop in his car, I'd always say we've only got one good eye between us.

Smurf, we should get together. Peripheral is one of the few things I've got that's pretty good, I could keep an eye on you and you could keep me from running into everything else :grin:

And btw, I've gone full tilt into and over a fire hydrant. Iirc, I was chasing a Frisbee. Thank god I was young and shook it off.
 
Steverino said:
I had a buddy who was blind in one eye. When we'd hop in his car, I'd always say we've only got one good eye between us.

Smurf, we should get together. Peripheral is one of the few things I've got that's pretty good, I could keep an eye on you and you could keep me from running into everything else :grin:

And btw, I've gone full tilt into and over a fire hydrant. Iirc, I was chasing a Frisbee. Thank god I was young and shook it off.
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I think probably the funniest thing I ever walked into was a handicapped sign. Talk about a reminder of your condition.
 
Ugh. I wish I knew more about what was going on down that way. As it is though, I'm only aware of a scene north of New Haven. Fairfield county is kind of like a different state. It's where 90% of the money is, and .2% of the culture. I'll keep my ears open. Are you looking for a specific kind of band?
 
Help!I'maRock! said:
Charles, I have a sneaking suspicion my bassist is leaving the band after our gig in May. If the opportunity arises, could you make rehearsals in NYC on a weeknight?
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I should be able to, yeah, so long as it's an easy to-and-from from either GCT or the Harlem/125th street stop. And rehearsals aren't super early. (7ish should be fine.)
 
speakerjones said:
Are you looking for a specific kind of band?
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Anything that's either good music or plays out and makes money... would be cool if it were both.

I'm down for an originals band if they're solid and the music is interesting. I'm also down for classic / modern rock covers, tributes (Beatles, Floyd, etc), or anything that makes a little money and isn't too soul-crushing to play (no Brown Eyed Girl or Mustang Sally please). In a perfect world I'd get my own original band going up here but that seems unlikely in the immediate region.
 
smurfco said:
I should be able to, yeah, so long as it's an easy to-and-from from either GCT or the Harlem/125th street stop. And rehearsals aren't super early. (7ish should be fine.)
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We never practice before 8pm, and always in the Penn Station area. I'll keep you posted.
 
That was a very entertaining read:zoinks::messedup:

I've met my share of musicians like that, & I've seen my share of bands that sounded like that- they're everywhere. They're just good enough to sort of figure out a half decent way to play a song. They're also just good enough to get a gig somewhere, unfortunately. They can go on playing like this for decades, never, ever, ever getting any better.

Cover bands are a strange kind of niche. I was recruited to play in one,basically because nearly every single musician is like that band, but I'd much rather play mostly original music.

The really funny thing is how it's apparently not ok to be in your late 30's, 40's or older & want to play inspiring original music ( no gigs, nobody cares), but it's perfectly ok to play all those standards for the zillionth time, regardless of the fact that all those songs were played out decades ago. I've also met my share of musicians who don't seem to have any identity of their own (soul-crushed!), because they've done nothing but play covers for decade after decade.
 
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