Poast your funny / scary / downright bizarre audition tales here

One a band I was in was looking for a singer so we held auditions at a local rehearsal space. After a few awful auditions a guy walks in wearing full fucking chain mail armor and auditions wiht a few songs. We walk him out and leaves on his motorcycle when the bassist who had set up the auditions started laughing his ass off and then told me that the guy was on his lunch break from working at the Medieval Times in Buena Park. I thought he really wanted to be the most metulz of singers to audition. :facepalm:

medieval-times.jpg


We also had a drummer bring his own drum riser to the audition and spend his entire allotted time trying to set it up. He told us that he was originally the drummer in Krokus but I don't know how much I believed him. He DID have the hair, the gigantic double bass drumset and the shitty drumming style though. @El Borrachito will remember him.
 
Auditioned for a guitar spot in a band when I lived in Rapid City, South Dakota and drank a few beers during. Singer was a fairly hot chick. I had to piss so I announce I'm going to the head. There's 4 or 5 urinals on the wall and I use one. While in there the singer chick walks up to the one next to mine, unzips and unbuttons her pants, reaches down grabs her clit and starts pissing next to me.
 
Auditioned for a guitar spot in a band when I lived in Rapid City, South Dakota and drank a few beers during. Singer was a fairly hot chick. I had to piss so I announce I'm going to the head. There's 4 or 5 urinals on the wall and I use one. While in there the singer chick walks up to the one next to mine, unzips and unbuttons her pants, reaches down grabs her clit and starts pissing next to me.
Dad?
 
Auditioned a singer once who came in wearing Assless Chaps. The pic he had sent with his music was at least 20 years old and 30 pounds lighter. He really could sing, but told us he ALWAYS wore Assless chaps onstage as they were his "trademark". he didnt get the gig

Auditioned a drummer who brought his wife and kids to the audition ( this was a BIG surprise) and he was fucking HORRIBLE. we played one song and the bassist ,singer and eye all knew it was pointless to continue. we thanked him for coming out,and that we'd be in touch.He started asking 'did i get it? do I have the gig?" over and over and even after two more "we'll be in touch man" he kept on and on and finally the singer told him (in a very nice gentle way) that while talented he really wasnt what we were looking for. He started crying,SOBBING actually and of course his wife and kids joined in. it was wicked uncomfortable!

Auditioned a bassist once who came in not knowing the first song on the list we had given him,but wanted us to hear HIS tunes,becausde Man once we heard HIS tunes we wouldnt want to play ANYTHING else! we told him NO,he kept arguing and wouldnt leave,said he wanted to hear the competition....... I dont have the best of moods sometimes and I told him to FUCK OFF, he got mad,smashed his bass on the floor, and stormed out leaving the pieces saying we were all full of shit...... it was OSSUM lol I still laugh about it
 
Auditioned a singer once who came in wearing Assless Chaps. The pic he had sent with his music was at least 20 years old and 30 pounds lighter. He really could sing, but told us he ALWAYS wore Assless chaps onstage as they were his "trademark". he didnt get the gig

Auditioned a drummer who brought his wife and kids to the audition ( this was a BIG surprise) and he was fucking HORRIBLE. we played one song and the bassist ,singer and eye all knew it was pointless to continue. we thanked him for coming out,and that we'd be in touch.He started asking 'did i get it? do I have the gig?" over and over and even after two more "we'll be in touch man" he kept on and on and finally the singer told him (in a very nice gentle way) that while talented he really wasnt what we were looking for. He started crying,SOBBING actually and of course his wife and kids joined in. it was wicked uncomfortable!

Auditioned a bassist once who came in not knowing the first song on the list we had given him,but wanted us to hear HIS tunes,becausde Man once we heard HIS tunes we wouldnt want to play ANYTHING else! we told him NO,he kept arguing and wouldnt leave,said he wanted to hear the competition....... I dont have the best of moods sometimes and I told him to FUCK OFF, he got mad,smashed his bass on the floor, and stormed out leaving the pieces saying we were all full of shit...... it was OSSUM lol I still laugh about it
Lol at Crying Drummer Family
 
That is the worst too. When you know almost immediately that it's not gonna happen but you're booked for a two hour jam.

It's always worse in my case because I can't drive off - I've usually gotten a ride there with someone. But even if I could, I don't think I'm big enough of a dick to play one song, be like "nope!" and leave. That'd take balls that I just don't have.

That is why it was 45 minute if excruciating pain. I really wanted to leave after one song
 
Auditioned for a guitar spot in a band when I lived in Rapid City, South Dakota and drank a few beers during. Singer was a fairly hot chick. I had to piss so I announce I'm going to the head. There's 4 or 5 urinals on the wall and I use one. While in there the singer chick walks up to the one next to mine, unzips and unbuttons her pants, reaches down grabs her clit and starts pissing next to me.

bullshit.jpg
 
Auditioned a bassist once who came in not knowing the first song on the list we had given him,but wanted us to hear HIS tunes,becausde Man once we heard HIS tunes we wouldnt want to play ANYTHING else! we told him NO,he kept arguing and wouldnt leave,said he wanted to hear the competition....... I dont have the best of moods sometimes and I told him to FUCK OFF, he got mad,smashed his bass on the floor, and stormed out leaving the pieces saying we were all full of shit...... it was OSSUM lol I still laugh about it

Did you actually ever hear his tunes? :lol:
 
In 2009 my Journey tribute was auditioning singers. I really don't know what was happening because the drummer ran the ad and was handling the replies. Couldn't believe when one one of the auditioners asked if we had a copy if the lyrics did the songs.
 
I auditioned for an alt-rock band where the chick singer/song writer and her husband basically viewed the rest of the band as disposable. the songs weren't terrible but they were very basic emo white girl material. She was so full of herself I couldn't believe it. At one point she told me something to the effect of "i don't expect you to play at the level that my songs demand. that's why i pay to have professionals play and record my material in a studio. i just need you for shows." she also instructed me not to email her too much if i join the band because "a lot of guys think they can hit on me once they have my email because i look good and play guitar." a little later she let slip that she and her husband paid some studio upwards of $6,000 to perform and record her latest 3 song CD and that the $6,000 did NOT include travel to Alabama and a week's stay in town. they were not wealthy or even close and the recordings weren't worth a tenth of what they must have invested. then the bassist started an argument with her about wanting some creative input in the band. i started packing up.

It was frustrating. I put a lot of time into learning their songs and adding a little bit of myself to what i played. i had a great audition but being in that band sounded like a nightmare.

i got the guitar spot but turned it down. I told my guitar teacher about it at the time (probably with a lot more detail than here) and he suggested a gig like that isn't worth the trouble and the face palms unless they're paying you. Oh and she wasn't hot. cute face but looked like a baked potato on stilts.
 
5 years after that I was dating a chick for a while. She spent the night one time and uses the bathroom and leaves the door open. She walks up to the toilet pulls her panties to the side and stands there to piss.

 
Lol I shall have to tell you about JBJ's adventure with the 4 Elvises and the Golden Fleece when I have time.
 
We had a guy who used to jam with us on occasion. His girlfriend would get out of the truck, set up a lawn chair for him, and fetch a small cooler of beer. He'd sit in the lawn chair and drink beer while she unloaded his equipment, set it up, and tuned his bass. After we were done, he'd sit in the chair and drink beer while she packed everything away. The weird part is he was a shortish, broke, and rather homely guy, and she was fairly attractive.

We played at a wedding reception once where the bride REALLY liked to dance. Dancing in a wedding dress is evidently difficult because after tripping a few times (and several beers), she stopped mid-dance and stripped out of the gown. She proceeded to dance a couple of more hours in just her bra and panties. She was a largish girl, but I have to hand it to her, she knew how to move.
 
5 years after that I was dating a chick for a while. She spent the night one time and uses the bathroom and leaves the door open. She walks up to the toilet pulls her panties to the side and stands there to piss.

I was in a club in Milwaukee one night called The Inferno. Half the people in the men's room were women or so you thought until they walked up to the urinal and pulled out a dick. Glad I was with my wife because if you hit on anyone there it was a 50/50 chance they weren't what they appeared to be.
 
Back in the late 80's I auditioned for a New York casting director who was head of casting for soap operas. After the audition she asked, "Do you do black?"
 
Wow....Some weird shit here..

The best I can come up with in that regard is a drunk female singer saying if you put a dick in front of me,I'll suck it....
 
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