Up and down...
I had a very rough holiday season, for a variety of reasons...
I had built up a serious momentum with all the changes I've gone through over the past couple years, some by choice and some forced upon me...once I got settled into my new place I could not let go and relax, I kept trying to figure out what the next big thing was going to be and couldn't...hit a pretty serious depression at a moment when I spent a lot of time around food, including piles of sweets, and I did indeed try to find comfort in the indulgences...
I spent some time with a "friend" on Christmas eve and found myself in the embarrassing position of having an emotional breakdown in her presence...withe an amazing level of insight she talked me down, and one thing she said to me has resonated with me, and has become my resolution for the time being...
"Stop trying to force the future to happen"
What I've become aware of is that change, physical and mental, does not change the fact that you are still you, still human, and still capable of failing and undoing the things you've done...now, instead of running myself ragged trying to make the next big change I'm trying to just be content with where I'm at and getting back to doing the things I love...I've even started taking guitar lessons with Mark...
Physically I'm feeling very good...my weight does tend to fluctuate....this morning I weighed in at 191.2, 7 pounds high, but rather than get down on myself for it I just resolved to do better...I'm wearing a mixture of medium and large sizes, waist 36 and 38...in that area I have stabilized...I also try to spend 20 to 30 minutes on my exercise bike every evening...and I'm going to try to do some hiking this year, as well as finally learn how to ride a bike...
The biggest thing to do at this point is maintain portion controll so as not to stretch the stomach back out, and avoid the food addiction traps...when you eat sugary foods the body actually starts to crave more of them, same goes for carbs...so it's a matter of controlling the urges that come after a lapse while not punishing yourself for lapsing...
I will say this, though...for sure it's much harder to maintain your goal weight than it is to reach it...which is the one thing that I was not expecting, and the things I struggle most with every day...
